Reading, Raging, and Writing

The Duck is Dead, but My Goose Isn't Cooked: Meditations on Not Being a Chicken

2011-05-08T20:46:00.001+09:00

Pre-Mortem Duckling

Woke up yesterday morning to find that my son's little duckling had suddenly died. I cried and cried. When my son woke up, I tried to break the news to him gently through my sniffling. "Honey, I have some very sad news for you. Your duckling has somehow died during the night." My son just looked at me and laughed and said, "Don't tease me, Mommy." Then he want into the room where the duckling had lived.The sight of it keeled over on the floor horrified me, but my son just picked it up and said, "It's just sleeping." He kept carrying around the poor dead duckling saying, "I think it's going to wake up." Once I finally convinced him to put it down, he set it down very unceremoniously on its back with its feet up in the air, and went back to playing-- after washing his hands, of course. While he went about his business, I called up a friend in tears and asked for help disposing of the body. (Not a sentence I wish to see quoted out of context, folks.)

My son seems fine. In fact, the only mention he made of the unfortunately ducking was at dinner. He said, "Mommy, this is chicken." I said, "Son, it's fish, not chicken." He thought for a few second and suddenly his face lit up, "Hey, Mommy! We could have eaten that dead chicken!" I said, "It was a duckling not a chick. And we don't eat things that are dead." And that was that for him. I, on the other hand, am still mourning the duckling. May 7th is always a hard day for me, even without dead ducklings. It has been twelve years since my mother passed away, and time has managed to change but not mitigate my grief. It gets both easier and harder. For me, the sharp, burning pain of grief has mostly gone, but the sense of loss remains and with it has come a growing realization of just how many precious moments were lost when she died. My mother never got to meet my son. My son never got to meet my mother. Twelve years ago, I grieved for what I had lost. Now, I grieve more for what my son has lost in not having his grandmother, for what my mother has lost in not being able to see her grandson.

So yesterday, I asked myself, "What would my mother want me to do--both today and in general?" It is not a hard question to answer. My mother always verbally encouraged me to be myself. My mother made it clear she wanted me to be me without shame or apology. I interpret this not as encouragement to live selfishly but as an exhortation to be both bold and realistic. Bold enough to be yourself without fear. Realistic enough to be yourself and not try to be something else. Being yourself isn't about doing whatever the hell you want with no regard for other's feelings. It's about living with integrity. If you are something, you should have the courage and integrity to be that something. If you believe something, you shouldn't chicken out when it comes time for you to act on what you believe. That's what I think my mother would want: a daughter who is not fowl.

High School Graduation Photo 1964

My mother said she had a hard time learning to be herself. Born in Seattle, Washington on December 29, 1945 to a Mexican-American soldier just returned home from fighting in the Pacific against the Japanese and to a Swedish-American mother, my mother's looks were striking. She was tall with broad shoulders and she carried herself in a way that made her seem even taller. Even after I was fully grown, she towered over me in size 11 red high heels. (I can't remember my mother wearing sneakers even one single time. She was perpetually in heels). She had the black hair and olive-skin of a Mexican combined with height and bone structure of a Scandinavian. For a person with such an avowed aversion to exercise, she was incredibly strong. She beat my father arm-wrestling when they were first married, and always beat me too. (Do many daughters arm wrestle with their mothers? Or is it just me?) She was fashionable and loved color-blocking and black eyeliner and red fingernail polish.

She wasn't a natural fit in in the inland Northwest, though people there loved her and she loved them. The Eastern-Washington/Northern Idaho area I remember is the home of white people in white sneakers driving station wagons, Suburbans, and Subarus. The good ones were boring, and the bad ones shaved their heads and lived in semi-militarized compounds. Breaking out your best jeans was considered formal dress. There were almost no minorities visible, especially not Hispanics. My mom would have been less of a oddity in L.A. or Dallas, but in Spokane she was nothing if not an odd duck. If not a quack. (My mother had the unique ability to perfectly imitate the voice of Donald Duck.)

Even I didn't exactly realize just how much my mother was Mexican-American in her behavior and attitude until after she died. Perhaps, I still don't. Being an adventurous eater, I one day ordered something new from a little Mexican restaurant on South Hill. My sopa de albondigas came out of the kitchen, and with one sip I was taken right back to my childhood. My favorite soup of all time, the soup I always begged my mother to make was a Mexican dish. I hadn't known.

Mom's Ketchup

Perhaps my mother would have been more comfortable in a community comfortably populated with other half-Mexican, half-Swedish, former dwellers of Indian reservations with a penchant for Tabasco sauce. Or perhaps not. She had a past. When other people complain about their mother's puritanical leanings "Mom disapproves of this. Mom frowned on that", I can only be amused. My own mother had no puritanical leanings. She told me stories of when she lived on the Indian reservation with her Indian boyfriend, and they'd drink things no human should be drinking. I think it involved butane. She told me about some her failed marriages, and there were more than a few of those. She told me about living in the 1960's free and wild, but failing to be a good hippie. She said she was too "plastic" to be a hippie--meaning she liked high heels and regular showers and deodorant. She told me about finding Jesus, and marrying my father, about getting permission from her parole officer to go on a honeymoon.

In the end, I don't think my mother ever managed to integrate herself into a seamless whole. Nor do I find that fact to be even remotely tragic. She lived as herself, without fear of others, and she lived well. I hope I can do half as well. (And I wish I could learn to do the Donald Duck voice.)

Good Morning Darwin/Dawkins

2011-04-10T06:27:00.000+09:00

Slept so poorly last night, but at least I'm up at 5:30 AM more or less ready to finish my wretched final paper for my statistics class. Eight classes down two to go to get my M.B.A. When it's all over, I'll probably spend 10 minutes congratulating myself before I move on to a new form of self-torture!

Have been contemplating the final chapters of Dawkins book "The Greatest Show on Earth." Finished it last week, and found that I love it not so much for the evidence it presents as for its concepts. (Digression: I tend to forget concrete factoids extremely easily but remember concepts without effort. That makes me a good writer but a bad debater. It's hard to debate when you've forgotten all the details of your evidence, but it's easy to look up that evidence and add it to your writing as long as you have the concepts in place.) It's been perhaps five years since I began shed my creationist skin and let my inner evolutionist out, so the evidence Dawkins presented for evolution did not change my basic viewpoint. It did significantly deepen it. If viewpoints can be deepened?

(1) The distributions of animal and plant populations around the world strongly point to evolutionary origins.
(2) Evolutionary theory does not depend on fossil evidence and would easily stand without it.
(3) Ecological systems are wasteful and operate of the basis of competition within the population.
(4) A well-designed system would operate with the good of the whole in mind, but nature is not like that.
(5) There is extensive pain and suffering in nature, but nature is not malevolent.

Now to finish that statistics paper. . .

Kindle Sprees and Words of Warning

2011-04-09T08:14:00.004+09:00

Gotta get more reading material for my daily 3-4 hour bus/subway commutes. So, today I am stuffing my little kindle full of sweet books.

Warning: I've had too many people (all of who know me in real life--yes, you know who you are!) suffer lonely anguished nights worrying about the state of my soul based on my reading list. Do not assume that my choice of a book indicates my rabid devotion to its author. Just a glance below would reveal that it is logically impossible for me to agree with them all. Dawkins--the celebrated apostle of the atheists--and Wright--one of the greatest Christian thinkers of our times--are not joined at the hip, but I find both intellectually stimulating in their respective ways.

The Social Animal by David Brooks

The Information: A History, A Theory, A Flood by James Gleick

The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkins

Scripture and the Authority of God by N.T. Wright

A Korean Grammar on Semantic-Pragmatic Principles by Ki-Dong Yi (Have been looking for this one for years, and snapped up the last and only used copy!)

Stumbling On Happiness by Daniel Gilbert

The Origins of Political Order: From Pre-Human Times to the French Revolution by Francis Fukuyama
Dominion from Sea to Sea: Pacific Ascendancy and American Power by Bruce Cumings

I don't read books that I anticipate I will agree with entirely, because they would be unbearably boring and I would learn nothing. Nor do I read books that I anticipate I will disagree with entirely because also I would learn nothing and would probably just seethe with rage the whole time. Rather, I read books that present new ways of thinking and new information. Generally, I aim for books that I will both disagree with and agree with partially. Those are the books which help me challenge my thinking and discover answers for myself.

Alas, as a child of the conservative Evangelical movement, there will always be those dear but ultimately frustrating souls who will not be content until I confess that I am deeply anguished whenever I even hear the name "Richard Dawkins." They will not look kindly upon my paying full price to buy a new copy of his book, nor will they be thrilled to hear that he is one of my current favorite authors.

*************

Repressed sarcasm seems to lend a hoity-toity British flavour to my writing. Perhaps I'd better stop. Right ho, Jeeves?

Confessions of a Monkey Mom

2011-01-24T21:37:00.000+09:00

Amy Chua was born in the year of the tiger and dubs herself "a tiger mom." Her recent book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mom" has gotten tongues flapping everywhere. In short, I disagree profoundly with her more extreme behavior (detailed here), but I feel I'd enjoy having her as a friend. People with passion, even passions masquerading as misguided neurotic behavior, have a special place in my heart. I was born in the year of the monkey, and thus I dub myself "The Monkey Mom." While the term "tiger mom" does have a vastly more fearsome ring to it than "monkey mom," we monkeys are not to be taken lightly. Besides, as my son's father who was born in the year of the chicken can tell you, proclaiming oneself to be "monkey mom" is less embarrassing than publicly embracing the moniker of "chicken dad."

Though I reject the idea that one's year of birth has any influence on the formation of personality, I do think the 12 signs of the Chinese Zodiac are fun to ponder as 12 representatives of distinct types of people. As fortune would have it, I am pleased with the characteristics of the monkey. As written here, "People born in the Year of the Monkey are the erratic geniuses of the cycle. Clever, skillful, and flexible, they are remarkably inventive and original and can solve the most difficult problems with ease. There are few fields in which Monkey people wouldn't be successful but they have a concerting habit of being too agreeable." With the exception of the last line, those characteristics do describe me well--and if any of you objects to that, comment now or forever hold your peace.

As a monkey mom, I do many things that tiger moms do. Education is top-priority in our household. My son started daily piano and taekwondo lessons from the age of 5. He spends about one hour a day practicing piano and one hour a day doing taekwondo. At first, it was tough but he no longer complains, and usually enjoys it. He got his black belt last week, and played with poise and confidence, if not with perfect accuracy, in his last piano recital. He takes a Chinese characters class once a week with a teacher who visits our home. Each week, he learns to read and write about four new characters. So far, he has learned to read and write about 400 characters. He was also involved in a weekend soccer club, but we are taking a break during the winter months. Come spring, it will be back to soccer.

Reading has been a bigger struggle. When I was five, I took to reading like a fish takes to water. A few days of phonics and I was off on a ten-year adventure of reading, reading, reading. From age five to fifteen, my primary wake time activity was reading, and I have no memory of ever experiencing a reading difficulty. My son, alas, is not me. Though he always enjoys being read to, he has strongly and steadfastly resisted learning to read. Tears on both sides have been shed, but finally he is reading both Korean and English at an acceptable but not overly impressive level for a six year old. I know that the fact that he is reading in two languages is impressive enough. Still, as a linguist, I have read or been able to read five languages, and hope my son can do better than me!

We also watch quite a lot of DVDs and movies. On most days, my son spends more than two hours in front of the screen. One reason I've permitted this is that it gives him needed exposure to spoken English. We have watched all the Pixar movies dozens of times, and we discuss them together. He knows that if he wants to watch DVDs, he has to be able to explain to his mother what the characters were talking about the TV. Just today, we were rewatching Toy Story 1, when I heard Buzz Lightyear say, "Don't you know my eyes could have been sucked from their sockets?" I immediately asked my son if he knew what eye sockets were. Later, T Rex said, "I hate confrontation!" and I explained to him what confrontation means. Though I'm still aiming to reduce our TV time, at least we do discuss together what we watch, and I make a conscious effort to highlight new vocabulary and then include it our future conversations. Instead of "conscious effort" I probably should say "obsessive-compulsive effort." Almost every second we are together, I am aiming to improve his vocabulary, and my efforts are not to no avail! A few months back, we were riding the bus and he asked me, "Mommy, what is polypropylene?"

Starting from about one month ago, he does homework every night in three subject: math, Korean, and Chinese characters. Very soon, I will add nightly English homework for him. Until this point, he has done English homework just two nights per week. Though he resists, I am unmoved. So far, so good. A whole post could be written on spiritual and moral instruction. Suffice to say that for the past year, we read the Bible before going to bed and he is familiar with most of the major stories in the Bible. I'd like to have him memorize Scriptures as I did when I was a child, but I have yet to find a good program that is not written from an Evangelical/fundamentalist perspective.

And there are many more hurdles to come, but that's all for now from this Monkey Mom.

Bah Humbug: Why I Could Care Less About Your Christmas

2010-12-16T19:39:00.001+09:00

I've been drowning myself in Christmas music these days, especially the lovely songs from the 1950's or so. "Silver Bells" and "I'll Be Home For Christmas" and "It's beginning to Look A Lot Like Christmas" and "Rocking Around the Christmas Tree" and a few later ones like "All I Want for Christmas is You" by Mariah Cary and "Last Christmas" by George Michael. Oh, and in my kindergarten classes we've been learning "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer" and "Santa Claus is Coming to Town" and "The Twelve Days of Christmas." My son loves "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" and "Deck the Halls"---two traditional favorites.

Now that I think about it, almost all of the above songs are more than fifty years old and yet none of them have any religious content at all. My favorite Christmas movies--"The Christmas Carol" and "It's a Wonderful Life" and "Miracle on 34th Street"--also have zero content about Jesus or God.

So what is all the ruckus about the secularization of Christmas? It seems the Santa mania and commercialization of Christmas has been going on for more than a generation, if not much longer.

It is natural for people who are not devout Christians to celebrate Christmas in a non-religious way or to not celebrate at all. The church should continue to teach about Christ's birth, sing Christmas carols, and read the story of Jesus' birth from the Bible. If the church itself ignored Christ's birth, I would find that offensive.

But it would be very odd to expect people who don't believe in Jesus to celebrate his birth. I don't celebrate Buddha's birthday in a religious manner, because I am not Buddhist. I do celebrate Buddha's birthday as a Korean public holiday by meeting friends, drinking, eating, or just hanging out. As a non-Buddhist, I do admire the beautiful paper lanterns that are hung along the stress to celebrate Buddha's birthday, but I don't hang them up myself. Korean Buddhists may be upset about that (though I serious doubt it) but it would just be odd to expect a person to celebrate a religious holiday that they don't believe in.

So why all the moaning and groaning about Christmas? It seems like a smokescreen to me. Most Evangelical Christians would say that each person must accept Christ as their God and savior. For Christians, that is a serious issue, but I don't see how Christmas per se has anything bearing on that.

Christians have complained for as long as I can remember about people who only go to church twice a year--Christmas and Easter. Even if it became fashionable in American for non-religious people to embrace the trappings of Christian religion once a year by reading the Bible, singing carols about Jesus, and displaying the nativity scene, I don't see how that would be a good thing.

The point of Christianity is to follow Christ. If someone is an otherwise "good Christian" (not that I'd dare to define what that means) and yet elects to not celebrate Christmas, I don't see how that would remotely matter. I've known Christian people who believed that Christmas originated from a pagan holiday and refused to celebrate it. Fine with me.

And is someone is not a Christian than it is perfectly natural not to celebrate in a religious way. I am not going around lambasting my Buddhist neighbor for singing "Rudulph" rather than "Silent Night." Nor am I going to beat my head against the wall because my non-religious friends say Happy Holidays!

Oh and by the way Happy Christmas!

"Other-izing"-- And Why Kimchi is not Spicy and Koreans are Not Freaks

2010-10-16T21:42:00.000+09:00

Having lived in Korea for more than six years, I've suffered my share of irritations--but not so much from Korean people. Rather, it is some of the expats and the so-called "Korea experts" that piss me off.

Take this egregious example of sloppy journalism:

For most Westerners, however, salsa remains an unacquired taste. It can offend not only with its taste but also with its odor, which can linger on a person for hours. And for those unused to its fire and fury, even a small dish of salsa can appear less as a delicacy than as a kind of incendiary device. To a Western palate, with all the other options out there, salsa won’t rank very high,” Mr. Chinn said. (in this NYT article)

Oh, and if the above paragraph strikes you as unbelievably weird, the original article said "kimchi" not "salsa." Either way, it is a preposterous and idiotic piece of journalistic poopoo not fit to be printed in the New York Times.

First, I contest the very existence of a so-called unified "Western palate." Even my father, famous for his finicky eating habits, gladly consumes Indian, Chinese, and Mexican foods. Is the Western palate limited only to white bread and cold cereal? Even the very suggestion of the word "Westerners" does for me what every good matador does for his bull. Does the word "Westerners" mean everyone living in the Americas and Europe and Australia and New Zealand and so on? If so, it must include millions of people of African and Hispanic ethnicity. Or does the word "Westerners" just mean white people?

Second, I contest the fact that most Westerners, whoever they are, don't like kimchi. Certainly, people who have never had the opportunity to try it at all can't be said to like it or not. Those who have tried it generally like it. For crying out loud, my diminutive Italian grandma likes kimchi. When I was in the US, I managed to procure some kimchi from my Korean friends from time to time and it always made me a very popular person.

Third, most kimchi is no more spicy than a bottle of Pace Picanta medium. The most spicy kimchi I have ever had barely even ranks as a 3 on a spiciness scale of 1-10.* For people who can't even eat black pepper, kimchi may prove a challenge. For those who like extreme spiciness, however, kimchi will just not deliver. To call kimchi an "incendiary device" is tantamount to calling ice cream a "cryogenic tool."

Forth, the scent of kimchi is no more sticky than the scent of Indian curry or even the scent of real espresso coffee. Eating raw onions on a hamburger or sandwich produces far more stinky results than a side of kimchi. Kimchi is not fresh per se; it's fermented. The taste it leaves on ones tongue is not the odious scent of raw onions or raw garlic, but a subtle aftertaste more akin to Sriracha.

So why I am so rankled by this? There are two options but we'll discount the first one.** The second option is that the propensity of certain white men to exaggerate the foreignness of Asians is so odious that I have finally gone bonkers.

The impeccable Bruce Cumings is a white man with a brain. Certain other white men, however, are individuals of less than admirable intellectual prowess. I've met a number of them who boast greatly of their knowledge of Korea and Korean things, yet speak Korean at barely an elementary level--if even that. Their boundless insights seems to consists of subtly or not so subtly belittling or degrading Korean things. The worst of them are outright racist. The best of them succeed by "other-izing" the object of their statement

For lack of a better word, "other-izing" is the process of exaggerating and caricaturizing the foreign qualities of an object in order to delegitimize it. In less formal language, it's known at bull shitting. By exaggerating the foreign quality of the object, they relieve themselves of the responsibility to understand it. The premise that "These people--they just don't conform to our rules. They don't think like we do" is always followed by the conclusion "We don't need to treat them by our rules of fairness."

Recently, I had dinner with an individual who kept denigrating Korea people for their so-called lack of sophistication. He mentioned a particular geographical location in Asia and claimed that he was sure that if he asked any Korean person they would have no idea where it is. Because, you know, Korean people are just so ignorant. So, I asked him sweetly if he knew the name in Korean. He didn't. I did know, of course (or why would I be writing about this?) and I informed him that when I had visited that place, the guide had told me that the majority of visitors there were Korean. Hard to believe that those ignorant Koreans were able to swarm to a place that they had supposedly never heard of.

Having traveled to several places on this earth that might be considered exotic (Egypt, Israel, China, Philippines), I believe that no place is beyond the reach of rational analysis. People and cultures can be understood, if one makes the effort to do so. And in the end, there is no "other."

Now, pass me the kimchi.

*Granted, this statement is coming from a person that used to chop up fresh habanero peppers and eat them in hot sauce, smiling through my tears.

**The first option is that I am easily rankled by nearly everything I read and exist in a state of constant outrage over something. Of course, that's not true.

Wednesday, October 13: Coming Out As Gray

2010-10-13T11:03:00.000+09:00

As this bakes in my tiny oven, I don my one and only purple shirt (bought just for this day) and sit down to write about colors, orientations, and love.

Color coding is the rule of the day. The American map is coded as red and blue, while talk show hosts seem to see the world only in black and white. Girls wear pink. Homosexuals have their own color too--purple. My own favorite color--gray--is sadly neglected, expect perhaps on the Kindle with its 16 shades of gray.

In the end, we are all gray. 16 shades of gray, perhaps, but still gray. Straight or not, donkey or elephant, male or female, we are all gray.

Today is International Coming Out Day. I had intended to write a post supporting my gay brothers and sisters or perhaps a post excoriating those who attack homosexuals. But the thoughts that came to me as I walked my son to kindergarten and then mixed up a batch of walnut biscotti in my kitchen were of a different nature.

I have long suspected that I am bisexual. This is far from being a confession that I have struggled painfully with my sexual orientation. As a young adult, I suspected that absolutely everyone was bisexual and just hiding it. That is, I thought my experience was normative.

Time or rather several conversations with people spread out over time has shown me that my experience is not normative. But whose is? I still shy away from the label "bisexual" because it seems to imply sexual attraction to all people without distinction. Sexual attraction, important as it may be, is not so much the point to me.

I remember the most intense, painful, and joyful experiences of love that I have ever had. One was with with a women. One was with a man. Oddly, I did not feel overwhelming sexual desire in either case. The attraction was profoundly emotional. So what does that make me? I think it just makes me--me.

My attempts at self-definition have been utter failures. The label box at the bottom of this post is empty. The label box of my life is also rather empty. Just when I thought I was a conservative, I became a liberal, but just when I was sure I was a liberal, Andrew Sullivan (the veritable British-American, Catholic, conservative, pro-Obama, gay blogger) convinced me I might be conservative.

I am bi-lingual now and a permanent resident of South Korea. Well, not bi-lingual. I speak or read (or spoke or read) several languages and I keep both learning and forgetting more languages even as Korean and English dominate my brain.

I am a Christian, yes. Protestant--maybe not. Even self-defining as a Christian is not entirely helpful. Many who are Christians would not accept my self-definition. Many who are not Christians misunderstand it. Nothing to be done but to keep following Jesus.

Why Christian Principles are Rather Like Unicorns

2010-09-16T22:03:00.001+09:00

This post is in response to a discussion I was having with an old friend on Facebook about the post on Scot McKnight's blog called Beck's Black Robe Brigade . It's just too long to post on Facebook so I'm putting it here.

**************You asked me, "What is the truth? Was our country formed on Christian principles? So I ask you, "What are Christian principles?" I'd say that Christianity is not so much a list of principles as it is a story and a relationship. At the core, it's a story about Jesus and his bride and a relationship with him and his bride. Christianity is about believing in Christ. "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only son that whosoever believes in him will not perish but have everlasting life." Our country was not founded this basis. Our country was not founded on accepting Christ as your savior.

Anything that claims to be Christian and yet leaves Christ, the cross, and the empty tomb out--well, I can't call that Christian.

If by Christian principles, you mean something like "Love your neighbor as yourself" than I'd say that our nation was influenced by that principle, though I'd stop short of saying that we were founded on it. We have failed repeatedly to treat our own citizen with due equality, much less the rest of the world.

If by Christian principles you mean something else entirely, you'll have to enlighten me on what you mean. Outside of "Believe on the Lord Jesus Christ and you will be saved" and "Love your neighbor as yourself," I don't know of anything that could be called a Christian principle.

You also asked, "Has our country strayed so far from those principles that some feel they must rally against that trend and possibly in that goal overstate and shape the facts in favor of those principles?" Well, to take that first part of your question "Has our country strayed so far from those principles?--"I'd have to say that I don't know what principles you mean. Off the top of my head, I'd say our country was founded on the principles of "equality under the law" and "the rule of law" and "freedom of speech" and "balance of powers" and so on.

Have we strayed from those principles? Well, I would say that we have never at any point in our history managed to implement them well, but we have made huge strides. By every measure, I think our country is better off now that it was 100 years ago or even 200 years ago. That's not to say that I'm satisfied with the status quo. In fact, I'm highly dissatisfied and actively working to change things for the better. My point is only that we have not "strayed" from anything.

As for the second part of your question "and possibly in that goal overstate and shape the facts in favor of those principles?" Well, leaving aside the question of what those principles even are, I am sick of people who call themselves Christians doing sloppy intellectual work. Believing in Jesus is not a carte blache to be able to blabber about things one is entirely ignorant about and suffer no ill consequences. "Overstating and shaping the facts" bears an uncanny similarity to what some folks might call manipulation and deceit. Just because these people may have good intentions does not mean that what they are doing is okay. As the old saying goes, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."

Having spent my entire childhood and young adult life steeped in Evangelical world, I feel rather like one of those lucky souls who entrusted their lifesaving to Bernie Madoff. Basically, I got scammed. Much of what I was taught is not worth crap, and the painful process of unlearning it all is still going on.

You said, "I believe in truth! But where is truth in the political arena of our country?" As you are long time church goer and a Christian leader, I'd like to ask you, "Where is truth in our churches?" The church taught me virtually nothing about theology. The church taught me absolutely nothing about Christian history. The church certainly did succeed in nearly ruining my ability to think clearly and logically. If it hadn't been for my seminary, I probably would have left the faith entirely. But thanks to a rigorous education in Greek, Hebrew, Christian history, and theology, I realized that I could reject all the crap I had been fed and yet still embrace Christ. Christ is not a lackey of Glenn Beck or a pawn of the Moral Majority. Christ is not a tool to save America, nor is the message of Christian about stopping the gay agenda or fighting for so-called intelligent design in the schools.

Christ is actually about something far more profound that all our cultural paranoias. Christ is about bringing people into a relationship with God. Christ is about saving the lost. Period. End of story. Christ is not about anything else, and to mix his name in with petty and trivial issues is profane and blasphemous. I am sick to death of hearing people harping about how they are a Christian and then treating the gospel as peripheral. The way people talk, you'd think Christ died to prevent abortion clinics from opening. It's just sad and disgusting.

You say, "I chose to believe that God needs to be involved not only in our private lives but in our public lives. That includes politically." Um, okay. I'm not sure where you are going with that. For me, there is no real distinction between my public and private life. I certainly vote on the basis on my conscience and my conscience is informed by my Christian beliefs. That's why I both donated money to Obama and spent about $17 to send my ballet by express air mail from Korea to the US.

But there are real and important distinctions between public institutions and religious ones. The church has no right to use its power to manipulate people to vote one way or another. The last time I was at OOCC, the church you and I both attended, an elder there made an extremely offensive comment during the adult Sunday School class. At that time, I remained silent, but the pain I felt at the moment still remains with me. That elder strongly pushed his pro-conservative political views and the people around seemed to be nodding in agreement. I was in my early 20's at that time, and I wasn't brave enough to speak up and voice my disagreement.

The only solution I know was to leave and never come back. So, with many twists and turns in between and a variety of other reasons impacting my decision, that's what I did. Yes, I might write with a lot of passion but I still don't have the courage to openly confront a bunch of elders on Sunday morning in front of the whole congregation when I can feel that there is no one who has my back. Church should be a place where people can grow closer to Christ, not a place where people feel pressured to vote a certain way or hold certain political views.

You seem very eager to save American and bring America back to Christian principles. Are you also eager to push young people out of your churches? Because that is what is going on. In placing a political agenda above Christ, many churches are forcing out those people, most of them young like me, who love Christ but have liberal viewpoints.

Well, I'm flying out to Yunnan, China early next morning and it's already past 10 PM here. Time for bed. I'm not sure how my internet connection will be while I'm in China. If it takes me a few days to moderate comments, don't worry.

P.S. Christian principles are rather like unicorns because they are both very beautiful things which don't actually exist.

Confounding the Faith-Muggers

2010-09-12T12:50:00.000+09:00

When I in my early teens, I procured a copy of the then newly published Don't Check Your Brains At the Door: A Book of Christian Evidences by Josh McDowell and proceed to devour it. (Note: As I haven't seen a copy of it for over 15 years, I'm relying on my possibly faulty memory of what it said.) The book was interesting and powerful and had a profound influence on me. Unfortunately, the word "profound" should probably be suffixed with an "ly" and followed by the word bad.

As I remember, it was full of pseudo-intellectual responses to give all those people who were attacking my Christian faith. Evidences for the resurrection and stuff like that. As a sheltered homeschooled girl, the only heathens I knew were my Catholic relatives. If the irony of that is lost on you, well, it was lost on me for a long time too. And my chain-smoking Italian Catholic grandmother just wanted to teach me how eat spaghetti properly (twirled around the tines of a fork, no spoon assistance allowed) and how to shuffle cards and deal properly--should I ever find myself suddenly at a casino in Las Vegas. Far from desiring to attack my faith, she was quite desirous to avoid the topic altogether.

But upon reading that book and encountering similar viewpoints around me, I became certain that the world was teeming with dangerous faith-muggers. You know, people that hide under your car in a dark parking lot and grab your ankles at midnight demanding that you justify your faith in an inerrant Scripture and provide evidence for the resurrection or else face a fate worse than death--become Bart Ehrman. I felt that I must be ready to defend the faith! Onward Christian soldiers! Stop the onslaught of liberalism! Rah rah rah!

So there I was all geared up to fight for the gospel, but to my deep disappointment, no one stepped forward to attack my faith. Well, not quite no one. There was one person who began to relentlessly attack my faith, but that person was Dawkins book bearing faith-mugger that I had been all ready to bonk with my Bible. That person was me, closely accompanied by myself, and I.

Certainly, there were many factors at work, but one primary one was that I began to doubt how I knew what I knew. Those who know these things, know that knowing about how one knows about how one knows what one knows is a branch of philosophy called epistemology. Yes, it sounds like a drunken bloke shouting, "Hey, 'e pissed on me ology!" But it was and is a serious issue for me that sent me wading through various Camus novel and other sorts of existential literature (well, forget that for now).

With all due respect to Mr. McDowell and his ilk, I did not and never have believed in the resurrection because I am such an intellectual hipster and have all these great proofs for why an unprovable and unbelievable event is provable and believable. No, I believed because my parents taught me it was true and because it felt true to me. Sure, that's a weak argument for Christianity, but dang nabits, that's the truth. And I have a growing conviction that the truth is kind of important.

Jesus said, "They will know you are Christians by your love." I'd like of like to think that what Jesus said could be pretty relevant. If I ever do have the honor of being attacked by a faith mugger in the future, I'm going to look at him and say, "You know what. You're absolutely right. The Bible is full of errors. Isn't it great? Why don't we take a look at them together over a cup of French pressed Sumatra?" (Of course, if the guy insists on drinking instant coffee, the deal is totally off.)

The only thing I want to prove is that I know how to love. So far, I'm not doing to well on that one either. But it is a goal that is worthy of a lifetime of effort. Besides, now that I read my Bible on a laptop, I'm worried about what might happen to my data if I hit someone with it.

Hearing Everything, Distinguishing Nothing--Massively Peeved at Starbucks

2010-09-11T11:54:00.002+09:00

It's just before lunch here at Starbucks in Incheon, South Korea. Lovely light jazz is playing softly in the background and most of the few people here are studying rather than talking. It could be considered as a relatively quite place.

So why can't I hear a damn* word my friend saying? I have this weird thing where my hearing is quite good and yet I can't filter out the sounds I want to hear from normal background noise. As I just posted on Twitter.

Tweet 2: Told my conversation partner (10 yrs my senior) to SPEAK UP numerous times. He didn't. Couldn't hear him. Conversation died. I'm peeved.

Tweet 1: I can't distinguish people's voices from background sounds and I'm still in my 20's. Hearing test says no prob.

About 360 days a year, I wear ear plugs to bed at night. Without earplugs, I can't fall asleep. Every single sound bothers me, even the sound of my son breathing or the sound of. . . anything. A few days ago, I leaped straight out of bed upon hearing the door bell ring and this is while I was still wearing ear plugs. My father, who was visiting me at the time, was awake and earplugless, yet he didn't hear anything. My old alarm used to make a slight "click" just before it was about to go off and that click would sometimes wake me off as though it were a gunshot.

So, my hearing is good. No hearing loss whatsoever. But one reason I pretty much gave up on watching TV because I just can't understand what people are saying IN ENGLISH unless I have near laboratory-like conditions. Any sort of interfering sound or interruption and my ability to hear what they are saying is gone. Last night I did watch a lot of "Grey's Anatomy" but it was the first time I've seen the show (and I read the Korean sub-titles while trying to listen.)

What's bizarre is that my son's father is not a native speaker of English and yet he seems to understand the TV better than me. We'd be watching the TV and I'd be like "I can't hear it. Turn it up." And he's be like "Are you deaf?" Sometimes I'd end up reading the Korean subtitles to American TV shows when I couldn't distinguish what the voices were saying. Oh, then we would fight because his voice was so low and mumbly that if he started speaking without warning, I couldn't understand what he said.

Psychologically speaking, I am an excellent listener. In my classrooms, it is generally quiet. I can and do devote my full attention to listening to my students when they are speaking and I have an excellent memory for what people say. So, it's not like I'm just a jerk who doesn't want to listen. It' s just that I can't hear you if you don't speak up. I don't even want to think about what I'll be like when I'm old.

* If you are offended by my use of the word "damn," please read another blog. Thank you very much. Thank you. Yes, thank you. Now, please leave.

Open Letter to a Conservative Friend

2010-08-29T13:28:00.005+09:00

Dear Conservative Friend,

Glad you asked all the questions. I will attempt to answer them all. But first a few comments to pave the road to our destination.

Comment 1: You said, " I don't trust anyone who is for big government control." Okay, that's where you are at and I'm glad you are upfront about it. Just know this: by your own admission, you can't trust me. I am for big government in many aspects. My main gripe with big government these days is the part of it that is located in a five-sided building and has a disturbing propensity to take actions that result in the demise of many other people. But I digress---If I had my druthers, I'd be sipping my cup of Joe in Sweden right now.

Sadly, if you can't trust me, it will be hard for us to have an honest conversation. I'd like you to reconsider your statement and consider trusting me temporarily, at least until you read to the end of my post.   I'd even like to ask you to reconsider your stance on trust. Sure, we can't trust everyone, but to baldy state that you refuse to trust anyone who holds a different political viewpoint from you seems extreme. Shouldn't trust be granted based on a person's proven character?

Comment 2: You say that you and your dad are both ready to testify that the world's morality has gone downhill. That statement seems rather bold. Are you really certain that you have a perspective on the entire world? We are talking about 6,865,343,578 people who speak perhaps 6,000 different languages. Are you absolutely sure the morality has gone downhill in every ethnic group in the entire world? Are you even certain that morality has gone downhill in the largest ethnic group in the world, the Han Chinese? That's a judgment I'm not ready to make.

Comment 3: You say, "We have made some headway in things like racism, treatment of women, conservation, but the moral values have declined." I agree with the first part of your statement. We have made progress. But I am puzzled by your "but." Aren't things like the eradication of racism, improvement in the treatment of women, and the conservation of the environment all moral values? If they are not moral values, than what are they?

Your statement seems to imply that the real moral values are things like ______ (fill in the blank with stopping abortion, gay marriage, divorce, and fornication), while things like equality and fair treatment are just minor issues that don't even count as morality. Okay now for your questions.

Q. "Where have you been?"
A. Geographically speaking, I've been right here in Incheon, South Korea for the past six years. Before that I was in Dallas, Texas for a couple years. Also spent some time in Greece, Israel, Egypt, Thailand, the Philippines, and China.

But I guess you didn't mean to ask my geographical location. If you mean to imply that my head has been stuck in the sand for some time, just replace the word "sand" with the word "book" or "newspaper" and you'd be right on.

Q. Don't you come from a conservative background?
A. Yes, I do. My conservative background is impeccable. As you know, I am a pastor's daughter and I was raised in a Bible church. For those of you who aren't up on denominational differences, Bible churches tend to stress a literal reading of the Bible and are considered to be solidly on the fundamentalist end of the Christian spectrum. (Great video games could be made pitting Bible church members against Episcopalians--sort of "Moral Kombat vs P.C. Universe.)

Not only that, I was homeschooled K-12 using only Christian curriculum. My science books were strong on young earth creationism. My history books were all about manifest destiny. My economics books weren't about small government--they were about gnomish government.

If anyone else thinks he has reason to put confidence in his conservative background, I have more: a Bible camp leader from the eighth grade, of the people of Otis Orchards Bible Church, of the tribe of the far right, a homeschooler of homeschoolers; in regards to the Bible, a prolific memorizer; as for zeal, a passionate evangelist; as for legalistic righteousness--I didn't even listen to any non-Christian music.

Q. Is God conservative, liberal, or somewhere in-between?
A. God is love. God is not conservative, liberal, or somewhere in-between. "I am who I am" is who he is and no label can define him adequately.

Q. Was Jesus morally conservative?
A. By the standards of his day, I'd say Jesus was quite progressive, though not exactly flamboyant. That answer may not satisfy you so let me put it this way: I could see Jesus going down to the local gay bar to minister to people by loving and accepting them, but I don't see Jesus popping ecstasy, getting trashed and bringing a man home with him.

Q. How would you describe yourself morally?
A. Well, I'm not sure what you mean by this question. I wouldn't dare describe myself morally. If you mean to say, "What is your views on ______?" then go ahead and ask that in the comments.

But my views on moral issue X, Y, or Z do not describe myself. There are plenty of people, perhaps as many as 6,865,343,578 people, whose moral viewpoint and actions are at odds. If I say, "I oppose murder" but then I vote for someone who invades other countries without just cause and causes the deaths of many innocents, am I really without guilt? Being able to spout off all the right moral answers is hardly proof that I am morally pure. Thus, I decline to go down that road.

Q. Do you believe that things are morally right or wrong?
A. Sigh. Yes. Some things, anyway.

Q. Do you believe in what the Bible tells us about what is right and wrong?
A. You tell me what you think the Bible says and I'll tell you if I believe it. I'm not trying to avoid the question. What I'm trying to avoid is the regrettable viewpoint that holds that "the Bible" equates "the American right wing agenda."

Q. What do you use as your moral guide for life?
A. The life of Jesus. Also the lives of people whom I have known and admired. And the "Communist Manifesto." (Totally kidding about the last one.)

Q. Do you use the 10 commandments as a moral guide?
A. No, I don't. I've never found the 10 commandments to be very helpful. Not much there that I would even be remotely tempted to do anyway, regardless of whether I were a Christian or not.

Sincerely,

Hannah

To Offend or Not to Offend--That is Not the Question

2010-04-20T16:30:00.000+09:00

Back when I was still driving under the influence of Calvinism, I crashed my friend Nate's dinner party one night. Another guest and I got out the claws, but this was not the usual cat-fight. Nope. We were two theological cats howling about interpretations of the Bible. She argued that the lost who haven't heard the gospel are possibly going to be saved. I, having just read John Piper's "Let the Nations be Glad" for the third or fourth time, argued that they are not. Our caterwauling barely lasted two minutes, but I could see she was appalled. By me.

Not exactly the first time I've gotten that reaction. Certainly not the last. Having gone from being a right wing nut case to being a squishy squeaky left wing wacko, I know that expressing any opinion at all regardless of content is certain to offend someone. Telling 'em they're going to hell if they don't believe in Jesus is sure to offend some one. Telling 'em that you think all people will be saved is sure to offend another some one.

Heck (give me credit for restraining my potty-mouthed tendencies), in the politically charged culture in America, merely eating an innocent hamburger at McDonald's is sure to bring the wrath of PETA, the censure of anti-obesity leagues, and maybe even the tisk-tisks random Hindus.

But let's stop here. If you think this is a post about how we should all quit offending one another and start getting along--well, sorry. My point is more that we should all stop being so thin-skinned. Guess what folks? There are people out there who do things that you disagree with and hold opinions you find abhorrent. Lots of 'em in your family too, I bet. So get used to it! That's the world we live in.

I have a really intense mind--today I woke up at 3 AM and my mind was going full steam ahead. I got up and did my normal hyper-charged puttering around routine. Did laundry (only use cold water, no bleach, hang on a line to dry), drank four large cups of Earl Grey tea and one cup of Mate, read the New York Times, The Atlantic Wire, and other random stuff, did my TESOL homework, based in the glory of a well-written paper on marketing segmentation, and of course opened Facebook.

Facebook and I have been pretty chummy these days. It's my outlet for all the things steaming and simmering in me--I almost never post stuff like "Today I cleaned my house." For one thing, it would be a lie, and for another thing, it would be boring. Most of what I post is what I'm passionate about. Ok, ALL of what I post is what I'm passionate about. Why would I post about stuff like, let's say, golf? But with all that steaming and simmering, a few burns are just par for the course, meh.

Earlier this year, I had a couple of people defriend me, basically because of my extremely vocal support for Obama's healthcare plan. That incident sort of made decide to just give up. Not give up writing. Nope. Not give up speaking. Nope. I mean give up trying to not offend people. Yeah, it's one thing to be purposefully obnoxious--that's not right and that's not me (some of you are doubtful, I know). But it's another thing to quote an article which claims that, for example, the Congressional Budget Office has concluded that Obama's plan would eventually reduce the deficit. Sure we can disagree about the numbers. But if you are offended by the very fact that I could possibly post articles which support something you oppose, well, I have no words for you.

Basically, I grew up a fundamentalist. The folks I grew up around were wonderfully loving but a little short on acceptance and tolerance. (Yes, the dreaded T-word!). Sometimes I feel like I would have to cease to exist before I would be able to avoid offending some of them--bless their hearts. They are offended if I drink alcohol (which I do), offended if I listen to non-Christian music (which I do), offended if I lean Democratic (yup, I do), offended if I use bad words (you know I do), offended if I don't regularly and loud proclaim just how much I love the word of God and how grieved I am by the world and how much I am wishing for the Lords return etc.

So it's over, folks. I'm out of the closet now and I'm bringing my cobwebs and dust bunnies with me. As a man I knew once advised, I'm going to let my Yes be Yes and my No be No. Anything beyond that is from the evil one.

Paintings of 16th Century Female Korean Shin Sa Im Dang

2009-12-30T12:30:00.000+09:00

Noah's Chocolate Cake

2009-10-03T12:19:00.000+09:00

This is an adaptation of Texas Sheet Cake. My son and I gobbled it down so fast we didn't have time to take a picture of it.

Combine A:

1 c. flour
1 t. baking powder
1 t. cinnamon
1/2 t. salt

Combine B:

1/2 c. cocoa
1/2 c. boiling water

Combine C:

1 cup sugar
2 eggs
1/2 milk

Combine A, B, and C together. Pour into round pan and bake. I think my pan size is 8*8.

14 stray socks

2009-09-30T10:55:00.001+09:00

one of lifes great mysteries

It's Snowing Paper Snowflakes

2009-09-30T10:47:00.002+09:00

My son has an obsession with making paper snowflakes.
(This is the first post I am making from my cellphone.)

God Is a Robot

2009-09-18T00:57:00.003+09:00

My son likes to ask questions--global warming, cigarettes, and God are his favorite topics.

Today he asked, "How does God eat?"

I said, "God doesn't eat."

He said, "Why?"

I said, "God doesn't need to eat."

He said, "Why?"

I said, "God isn't human."

He said, "Is God a robot?"

I said, "No."

He said, "I think God is a robot. Robots don't need to eat. God doesn't need to eat."

End of theological conversation.

Living With Depression and Anxiety

2009-05-22T09:42:00.003+09:00

When I was in college, I had a bout of depression which I barely survived. It came on slowly and left even more slowly. Though the worst of it lasted only a few months, the entire awful experienced stretched over more than two years.

Since that time, I've been vigilent about not letting myself fall back into the dark abyss. Still, my struggles with depression come and go--albeit in a far less intense form than I experienced in college.

I do virtually everything which has ever been recommended to prevent or treat depression. I have lots of friends whom I meet regularly. I eat healthily, including plenty of fish and seafood. I exercise. I maintain my weight. I read the Bible, pray, and sing hymns. I don't abuse alcohol. I think positively. I express my negative feelings. I have enjoyable hobbies. I sleep enough.

In spite of all my efforts, I can't quite manage to totally banish depression from my life. It's like an old friend that keeps stopping by for a visit every so often. I've learned to endure, even ignore, the occasional visits, because I know they won't last long.

To make matters worse, I also suffer from recurrent bouts of anxiety. In some ways, the anxiety is far more difficult to bear than the depression. It is physically uncomfortable and distracting. I feel tightness in my chest. My heart beats faster, and my body feels generally "not right." The anxiety seems to originate in my chest and often refuses to leave for days, no matter what I try to do. Exercise is helpful, but (surprisingly) the most helpful thing is being busy doing some challenging activity. Going to work is quite helpful, even when I don't enjoy my job.

My mother also struggled with both depression and anxiety, as did her mother. My guess is that is it probably something genetic. I'm just grateful that I've learned to live with it. My grandmother and mother both struggled with alcoholism. I think it was their way to try to deal with the anxiety. Fortunately, I've taken a different path.

옛사랑

2009-03-21T12:17:00.001+09:00

남들도 모르게 서성이다 울었지 지나온 일들이 가슴에 사무쳐
텅 빈 하늘밑 불빛들 켜져 가면 옛사랑 그 이름 아껴 불러보네

찬바람 불어와 옷깃을 여미우다 후회가 또 화가 난 눈물이 흐르네
누가 물어도 아플 것 같지 않던 지나온 내 모습 모두 거짓인걸

이제 그리운 것은 그리운 대로 내 맘에 둘 꺼야
그대 생각이 나면 생각 난 대로 내버려 두 듯이

흰눈 나리면 들판에 서성이다 옛사랑 생각에 그 길 찾아가지
광화문 거리 흰눈에 덮여가고 하얀 눈 하늘 높이 자꾸 올라가네

사랑이란 게 지겨울 때가 있지 내 맘에 고독이 너무 흘러 넘쳐
눈 녹은 봄날 푸르른 잎새 위엔 옛사랑 그대모습 영원 속에 있네

South Korea: Where Cows Fear the Needle

2009-03-16T09:07:00.005+09:00

Ever talked to someone who takes blood from cows for a living? I have.

Last year, I taught a English class to newly hired Incheon civil servants. Among them was a cool guy named "Iron" (정철). He majored in veterinary medicine and his job consists of traveling to farms all over the city, drawing blood from cows, and then taking the blood samples to a lab and having them tested for various diseases.

On Saturday, he got married. His wedding was held in a city (광주) about 4 hours drive away, so he chartered a bus to transport his coworkers and others who wanted to attend. Never one to turn down an opportunity to eat, I hopped on the bus.

If you've never traveled on a private bus in Korea, you've never lived. Though we departed around 7:30 AM, the alcohol was flowing before 8 AM (yes, sir, Koreans know how to party) and the tongues around me were magically loosened.

Almost all the people inside the bus were veterinarians employed by the government. I hit it off with one guy, whom I have nickednamed "Akina" (아끼나). Like my friend "Iron," he spends a lot of quality time with bovines. His line of work is not suitable for the fainthearted. Cows don't appreciate being poked with needles. Akina had to be taken to the emergency room one time when an angry cow smashed him against the side of a stall.

I asked him which part of the cows body is most suitable for extracting blood from. He said the portion right under the tail. I had no idea.

I asked him about the size of the farms. He said that the largest ones would have about 70-80 head of cattle, while the smallest ones would have one cow.

So then I asked, "Does the local government test every cow for disease or just a sampling of cows?" He informed me that Korean farmers do not give their cows antibiotics, so the government tests every single cow for disease. All. Of. Them.

Folks, I'm seriously impressed. South Korea has got its act together. It's true that there are no large farms here, and thus the production cost for all kinds if meat is quite high. Meat prices here are extremely high, some say the highest in the world. IMHO, that's a good thing both for public health and for the environment.

In comparison, I'm frightened by the state of the meat industry in the US. It just happens that the very weekend which I spent talking to Akina, my favorite journalist Nicholas Kristof wrote two sobering pieces about an outbreak of MRSA (methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus) among pigs in Indiana.

Read it over your morning bacon and see if you feel the need to take some Pepto Bismal afterwards. The US, with its gigantic farms and unrestrained antibiotic usage, is ripe for this kind of outbreak. I'm worried.

Guest Blogger From China

2009-03-12T10:37:00.002+09:00

Woo woo woo!!!! Let's give our guest blogger a big hand or at least a hearty round of comment typing.

Zhang Jun is a close friend of mine. He works for the Chinese Government in Dongguan, China (near to Hongkong.) I can't vouch for the quality of his writing in Chinese, but he is an amazing writer in English.

So where do you work?

The institute I am working at is called the Bureau of Industrial and Commercial Administration, According to the law, this institute has a wide range of functions, which are tightly connected with the economy, such as market-entrance registration, trademark registration and protection, supervision of public advertisement, intellectual property protection, consumer's rights protection, fighting against smuggling, illegal commercial competition, counterfeit currency, monopoly...etc. And there are some other minor functions.

Often this institute describes itself as business police, or market guard, I guess this analogy would help you to acquire a picture of what my institute is like. If this institute fulfills its functions well, then it could be of great significance to the nation. However, like all other institutes of government, this institute unexceptionally fails to do well. Usually it doesn't aim at the public interests, but aims at the own interests. This is not a problem of this institute, but a common problem to the whole government, and I believe, most of other institutes might be even worse.

What exactly do you do there?

About my personal job, first you should know that my institute makes hundreds of administrative penalty every year, such as to revoke a business license, to give a warn, to confiscate commodity, to give a fine, and so on. Since the CCP (Chinese Communist Party) contended that this country ought to be managed on the basis of laws, all administrations are required to strictly comply with the laws.

Basically, I am the person in my bureau who in charge of supervision of administrative penalty. Namely, my job is to ensure the administrative penalty that my bureau gives is lawful. Therefore, I need to read their reports and monitor their behaviors at daily work. In theory, it is a meaningful job because it helps to regulate the illegal administration and prevent the rights from being abused. In reality, it is not like that way because I am not an independent supervisor. In many cases it is like a legal adviser who gives advice to the institute so as to make the best use of laws to get maximal benefits from administration.

Chinese administrative organizations are like enterprises in a way--they try all means to maintain their own interests under the veil of providing public service, I will tell you more on this later if I have time. Other than supervising the administration, I also need to write a lot of business articles. In my eye, only a small part of those articles have some real contents, the rest are just garbage. The bureaucrats enjoys that kind of garbage. Countless frothy meetings, countless meaningless articles...that happens in every unit of every level of Chinese governments. In fact, everyone of us is unexceptionally the victim of that sick system. I suppose that throughout this world only in N Korea and China can government has such serious formalism and bureaucratism.

Well, I originally had much more to say about my job, but I feel woozy now. It is easy to explain to a Chinese person--just a few words would be OK, but rather difficult to a foreigner. I suppose you will still have many questions about my job, and you should have them, tell me. I am willing to answer those questions.

to be continued. . .

David Slides and a Model T Spark Coil

2009-03-12T09:48:00.004+09:00

One of my resolutions has been to avoid the consumption of pirated, fake, or ripped off goods. Considering that I am a You Tube addict, I have had to erase most of the videos I had marked as favorites, since most of them were uploaded without permission of the original artist.

This has been nothing but a good decision. Far from suffering, I have been benefiting from forcing myself to branch out and listen to new artists. Check out the amazing pianist David Slides. He has a cover of Rihanna's Live Your Life which is breathtaking. I'm not even a fan of Rihanna, but every one of Slide's piano covers are gorgeous, whether or not I liked the original song.

If you have other artists to recommend, let me know. My musical tastes are wide, wide, wide as the Montana sky. Classical, pop, hip-hop, opera, new age, rock, alternative, Celtic--it's all good to me.

You gotta check out this guy's screwy sense of humor. What kind of kid would hook up a Model T spark coil to a doorknob and shoot sparks out his finger anyway? I've known this guy for quite some time, more than 28 years, in fact, and I can attest that he hasn't lost any of his screwiness.

Why I Don't "Believe in" Free Markets

2009-03-10T23:25:00.000+09:00

When I was in middle school, one of my friends told me, "My family doesn't believe in microwaves."

Though I myself also have never bought and owned my own microwave, I still think my friend's choice of wording is wrong. "I don't like microwaves," or "I choose not to use microwaves because I think it's gross to eat reheated leftovers" are both acceptable expressions, but "I don't believe in microwaves" seem to imply either that (1) microwaves do not actually exist or (2) microwaves are falsely rumored to have deity-like properties.

So, when I say, "I don't believe in free markets," I don't mean that I deny their existance. I mean that I want to deny that free markets have numinous god-like attributes.

Free markets are generally a good idea, but they are nothing more than a fallible system. Free markets are not God or god. Free markets will not save us from our excesses. Free markets do not guarantee good results or a stable economy.

Free markets should be our servant, not our master.

Stanley Fish has a great article about neoliberalism here. Neoliberalism can be defined as a quasi-religious belief in free markets.

Let me put it clearly: I believe in God. I believe in love. I believe in the bright future of the human race. But do I "believe in" free markets?

No.

Let those who worship free markets be the first to see the image of Baal fall flat on his face.

My First Day in China

2009-03-09T10:35:00.000+09:00

Exiting the passenger area to meet my friend at the Shenzhen International Airport.
I was more than a little confused. I left without picking my luggage and had to go back inside to get it.
Compared to Incheon Airport, Shenzhen Airport is quiet and peaceful.

Unloading my bags from the car.
In the background is the apartment complex where my son and I stayed.
Since it was just before Chinese New Year, there were red/orange lanterns everywhere.

Nothing like a table full of homemade Chinese food to make me happy.

My son with my friend, Zhang Jun.
Just after this picture was taken, my son insisted on eating the Pringles (see them on the shelf on the left?).
I didn't let him, of course.

P.S. Yes, I've been quite late in posting these. Sorry! More to come later!

Spicy Food, Gaudy Jewelry, and Bold Colors: Why I've Officially Become My Mother

2009-03-05T15:50:00.000+09:00

Part of today's lunch. The center dish is called 노가리. It's a kind of whole dried fish seasoned with a spicy sauce. I love it. The fish still has all the bones inside so it's full of calcium. Sadly, the main dish isn't in the picture. The main dish today was 매운 추어탕, a stew made from ground-up whole fish (by "whole" I mean "whole"--bones and all) and hot pepper paste. This particular restaurant cooks it with tons of garlic. We are talking about huge whole cloves of garlic boiled inside the spicy broth. Heaven! If my mother were here, she'd be sure to douse everything with Tabasco. I'm thinking of putting a bottle of it in my purse and carring it with me.

This is me. Ten years ago, my wardrobe was a uniform black, black, and black, with a few wild shades of gray. Now, my wardroble looks like the aftermath of an explosion at a crayola factory. You name the color, I've got it somewhere in that mass of clothes. In fact, I'm probably wearing it right now. My mother, who thought blood red was a neutral color, would have been proud.

This is my new ring. Please ask me how much it cost. :-) Decorum dictates that I shouldn't disclose the cost of my frivolous purchases, but if you ask--hey--I won't lie to you. If my mother were still alive, I'd buy her a matching one. I used to be horrified by the SIZE of the jewelry my mother used to hoist on her body. Now, I think she was well within the boundaries of tastefulness. My ring is so big, I could use it as a chair if I happen to go camping and lack a chair.

As I left the restaurant, I saw these women making kimchi. This is a common sight in Korea. Just looking at all those stacks of radishes makes my mouth water.

My Mother-in-Law In Beijing (Early 1930's)

2009-02-26T11:55:00.001+09:00

My Mother-in-Law was born in Beijing.
Her parents had left Korea to seek refuge in China during the Japanese Occupation.

My mother-in-law with her parents.
Her father was a member of the Korean Resistance and spent his time in China as a kind of ambassador for the anti-Japanese movement.
They returned to Seoul when my mother-in-law was in elementary school.
Upon returning, her father was sadly arrested by North Korean forces and never heard from again.
He is still listed as "missing" not "deceased."
After that tragedy, her mother went on to raise two children alone and build a large and prosperous manufacturing business.
She was one of the few female self-made "millionaries" in 1950's Korea.
She died in her early 40's of breast cancer.

My mother-in-law's younger brother emigrated to Brazil after graduating from college.
Like his own mother, he started a very successful clothing manufacturing business.
Like his mother, he also died young, as a rich man.

My mother-in-law is now fighting colon cancer.
Pray for her.

My Swarovski Crystal Earrings--Ooh la la!

2009-02-26T11:25:00.003+09:00

10 Things I Love About Korea

2009-02-13T21:27:00.003+09:00

(1) I love the public transportation system. I love the subway, the city bus system, and the inter-city bus system. It's clean, reliable, safe and cheap.

(2) I love the medical care, especially the state-provided health insurance. No, it's not perfect but yes it's better than what I had in the US. The doctors' offices are extremely modern and well-equipped, I can walk-in at any time and I usually pay only about $2-3 per visit. Yeah, and it's pretty easy to see a specialist.

(3) I love the shopping, especially for accessories. Korea is the place for costume jewelry, scarves, and hats!

(4) I love the internet access. Extremely high speed internet access is cheap and available almost everywhere.

(5) I love the cell-phone culture. I've totally gotten into sending text messages in Korean.

(6) I love the restaurant culture. Eating out is relatively cheap and the food is healthy.

(7) I love how easy it is to make money here. Granted that's not true for all people, but it's true for me.

(8) I love the fact that people leave me alone. I'm not sure if I just look scary or if Korean people tend to be reserved (actually, I know, but anyway. . .) but I like the fact that I can walk around freely and not a soul is brave enough to try their English on me.

(9) I love the vegetable market near my home. Seriously, this is a major reason I want to stay in Korea.

(10) I love the recycling program. I recycle almost everything.

(8)

25 Random Things About Me

2009-02-13T18:48:00.000+09:00

1. I have an fascination bordering on obsession with languages. Currently, I have studied Korean, Chinese, Hebrew, and Greek seriously and several others languages not so seriously. No doubt the rest of my life will be consumed with this endeavor in one form or another. I hope to head to China or Southeast Asia someday to study minority languages there.

2. Lest you be overawed by my intellect, I will now confess that I have somewhat of a shoe-fetish. At the moment, I am wearing red patent open toe stilleto platforms with 5 inch heels. Yes, you read that right! I love shoes and the wilder the better. Clunky yellow patent pumps, bright blue suede Mary Janes, pink platform sandals with bright flowers embroidered the heels, grey satin sandals, black patent moccasins (all of the above with 4 inch+ heels), plus biker boots, furry Russian boots, knee-high gladiator sandals and believe me the list goes on and on and on. I have managed to shop through more than 5,000 shoes on Amazon.com. *blush*

3. Lest you be appalled by my conspicuous consumption, I must say that I don't own a car and I don't even ride public transportation a lot, except to go to work. Mainly, I walk and walk and walk and ride my bike. I've discovered that although it can be difficult to walk around all day in 4 inch heels, it's quite convenient to ride a bike in heels. I prefer my bicycle seat to be as high as possible so that I can stretch out my legs more when I'm riding, but when I stop, my legs won't reach the ground unless I'm wearing heels. :-)

4. While I am boasting about the things which I do not own, I must not neglect the fact that I don't own a TV. I was about to buy one recently, then got cold feet at the last minute. I'd prefer to waste my time in front of the computer. :-) I also don't own a toaster or a microwave (although I do own a spiffy yogurt maker, a soy milk machine and a couple of electric kettles). And if you're not impressed by my lack of worldly possessions yet, I should add that my apartment is old and decrepit and I'm only a lowly renter.

5. I love to try all new foods, as long as these new foods are not made from deceased animals. I tend toward vegetarianism, even leaning vegan from time to time. I'm all about whipping up new varieties of soy milk in my kitchen but you won't find me chomping down on things like "balut." (If you don't know what that is, check out my sister Esther's list of horrible foods she likes to eat). In short, I will never turn down any form of fruit or vegetable or grain, but I am just not into eating cows, pigs, dogs, monkeys and so on.

6. I suspect I'm a little bit ADHD, though I have never been diagnosed. I say this seriously: I used to worry about whether I could get through college and hold down a job or not because I just can't concentrae well on anything which I am not interested in. Still, I have worries about my ability to function at a "normal" job. I can't concentrate well unless I am thoroughly absorbed in something. Even worse, once I'm thoroughly absorbed I can't switch my concentration off. For example, once I started learning Chinese about 2 1/2 years ago, I got so completely wrapped up in it that I couldn't do much else. Even while I am teaching English, my brain is trying to think about Chinese or Korean. Sigh. . .

7. I am unnaturally sensitive to viewing violence of all kinds. Because of this, I couldn't watch TV in the past, especially the news. The Lehrer News Hour on PBS is usually okay for me, but CNN always has some perverted story to ruin my day. I actually left a restaurant in Dallas early because the news story blaring on the TV next to me was so disturbing. Thus, I generally read the newspaper and avoid the TV. I also can't stand to be around people who tell disgusting stories for fun. I will walk away.

8. I have seen quite a lot of dead bodies. This unfortunate fact may not have helped me to become insensitive to violence. My father officiated at a lot of funerals when I was a child and I usually saw the body in the casket. In college, I worked at a receptionist at a funeral home. One of my tasks was to enter the viewing rooms and turn off the lights at night and then lock the doors. Another task was to take phone calls at night when a person has passed away, and then send the body collectors to go and get the body. Um . . I wanted to be a writer so I thought a job at a funeral home would give me fodder for my writing.

9. I am not a true lover of travel. I am more a fan of intense immersion. I don't want to travel to a country unless I already know the lanuage and culture. Once I'm there, I'd like to go to the grocery store and buy some local food and cook it. Then I'd like to go to the bookstore and read some books, and then have some non-alcoholic beverages and talk with local people. Then, I'd like to repeat this cycle for several years. I'm not really the kind to race around from famous place to famous place breathlessly taking pictures.

10. I tend to love the people I love very deeply. What I mean is that I've never ever been the kind of person who enjoys casual relationships. I prefer my relationships, whether romantic or otherwise, to be long lasting, stable, and intense. Once I'm in a relationship, I'm happy to not change, unless dramatic and tragic things take place.

11. I tend to listen to the same songs repeatedly--over and over and over. This rather embarrasses me because my taste in music is not always stellar. Yes, I love Beethoven's 9th Symphony Movement 4, have listened to it dozens of times, and have it on my mp3 player. I also love Greenday's "Basketcase" and Third Eye Blind's "Semi-Charmed Life."

12. I'm an aggressive driver with a lead foot. I once received a ticket for driving 30 miles over the speed limit, and that was after I'd already slowed down a lot. Another good reason for me not to own a car.

13. I suck at all forms of sports, except yoga and (amazing) taekwondo. I'm good at contorting my body into various shapes and good at kicking, but that's it.

14. I drink unbelievable amounts of tea each day, with a grande-ish cup of strong coffee thrown in for good measure. Truly, I'm not sure if I've ever met a person who drinks more tea than I do. Even after traveling to China and living with Chinese people, I still can say that I do drink more tea than any one I've ever met. I don't like to drink milk or juice or sports drinks, only green tea, black tea, and black coffee. I am almost always drinking (and going to the bathroom). Friend and Family, never hesitate to buy tea or toilet paper for me as a gift!

15. In the past 7 years or so, I've los a lot of weight and managed to keep it off during and after pregnancy. This was done almost entirely by slowly changing my eating habits, gradually finding emotional healing, and walking.

16. I've studied the Bible all my life, even attending seminary and doing well in Greek and Hebrew. But still, I find myself standing on the verge of a hermeneutical paradigm shift, and it frightens me. My whole theology is in turmoil and I'm not certain what to do. Those of you who want details are completely welcome to ask.

17. I want to live to be more than 100 years old. Old age doesn't frighten me much, maybe because I have such an exceptional example in my Grandmother. When I do die, I'd like to die in action, if possible. Dying in a motorcycle accident in the mountains of Tibet at the age of 101 is ideal.

18. I love to write and harbor many illusions of grandeur in my heart related to becoming the next Shakespeare. It won't happen but still I like to dream.

19. I worship physicists. My father majored in physics and often told me physics-related bedtime stories when I was little. Consequently, when asked "Who is your hero?" I often answered "Albert Einstein." Names like Marie Curie, Max Planck, and Edward Lorenz turn me on! If I had several extra lifetimes, I'd like to dive into chaos theory first, then quantum mechantics, and then maybe astrophysics. Just my dream. I didn't even take physics in high school. . . Last year, I had a female student in my class who was finishing up her Ph.D. in physics. I admire her so much, I can't stand it!

20. I don't like games much, mainly because I have only one lifetime to live. I'd rather use my time for productive purposes. Yes, it's sad to say, but I prefer work to play. Studying Chinese or Korea is just as fun as any game and far more profitable.

21. I tend to be terribly absentminded, yet I possess an excellent memory. I can't remember to pay my bills but I do remember my 16 digit credit card number.

22. I am unable to multi-task. My husband is often shocked by my singular inability to do more than one thing at a time. I can't cook and carry on a conversation at the same time. I can't drive and chat with a friend. I can't write emails and smell the acrid fumes of dinner going up in smoke.

23. I hesitate to confess this but. . .if you've gotten this far in my ranting, maybe you'll be able to understand. I tend to feel more comfortable around men than around women. Men are simpler for me to deal with, and usually I like the kind of man who can talk about esoteric topics, such as the Japanese invasion of Korea in the 1500's or the reasons why the Chinese RMB should not be revalued. I'm a quiet person, and I don't mind listening to lengthly discourses on any intellectually stimulating topic.

24. I hate talking on the phone. Please don't call me. Send me a text message or email me or write me a letter.

25. Although I'm an introvert, I rather enjoy speaking to large groups of people.

Mommy Info :-)

2009-02-07T18:49:00.001+09:00

Previously published on Facebook. . .

This is for all you mommies out there about your firstborn. Just copy/paste and write a new note.

1. WAS YOUR FIRST PREGNANCY PLANNED? Um, definitely not.

2. WERE YOU MARRIED AT THE TIME? Yes -a few weeks :-)

3. WHAT WERE YOUR REACTIONS? Complete shock and fear. . .

4. WAS ABORTION AN OPTION FOR YOU? Absolutely not

5. HOW OLD WERE YOU? 22

6. HOW DID YOU FIND OUT YOU WERE PREGNANT? Well, I felt pregnant. Something was up. . . So I got a test, and yes it was positive.

7. WHO DID YOU TELL FIRST? My husband and my friend were with me when I took the test. After that, we met my father, sister, and grandmother and told them.

8. DID YOU WANT TO FIND OUT THE SEX? No, I didn't find out until he was born. Even then, I was so out of it that I looked down at his penis and I still wasn't sure if he was a boy or girl.

9. DUE DATE? Sometimes in June---I can't remember.

10. DID YOU HAVE MORNING SICKNESS? yes, but I only threw up once. That was after eating two large grapefruits in the morning on an empty stomach. I'm sure you're all glad to have this important information.

11. WHAT DID YOU CRAVE? Well, I had no strange cravings, but I did eat copious amounts of sour foods, particularly limes. But I do that even when not pregnant.

12. WHO/WHAT IRRATATED YOU THE MOST? At the end, I had horrible unbearable itching all over my body. It was the worst torture I have ever endured. It was so bad I couldn't sleep all night.

13. WHAT WAS YOUR FIRST CHILDS SEX? Male

14. DID YOU WISH YOU HAD THE OPPOSITE SEX OF WHAT YOU WERE GETTING? Honestly, I did want a girl, but I love my son like crazy.

15. HOW MANY POUNDS DID YOU GAIN? Under 30 pounds.

16. DID YOU HAVE A BABY SHOWER? I had two, and they were wonderful. I'm so grateful to Hanna and to Paula for planning them!

17. WAS IT A SURPRISE OR DID YOU KNOW? One was a surprise!

18. DID YOU HAVE ANY COMPLICATIONS DURING YOUR PREGNANCY? Just the itching at the end. Also a numb spot where his butt kept pushing against my side . It was a weird feelings.

19. . WHERE DID YOU GIVE BIRTH? In a tub of water at a birth center.

20. HOW MANY HOURS WERE YOU IN LABOR? I'm not sure how to count exactly. I had hours of light contractions that didn't hurt at all. Then once everybody was asleep, I began to have horribly painful contractions and I threw up a lot. My son was 15 days early, so I wasn't sure if I was really in labor or not. I guess that part lasted less than 11 hours until delivery.

21. WHO DROVE YOU TO THE HOSPITAL? My panicked husband.

23. WAS IT NATURAL OR C-SECTION? Natural

24. DID YOU TAKE MEDICINE TO EASE THE PAIN? no I just went to a natural birth center so there was no option for meds.

25. HOW MUCH DID YOUR CHILD WEIGH? 7 pounds 8 oz and 21 inches long. He was long, skinny and hairy. Lots of hair on his head and all over his body, even on his ears. And he was wiggly. He cried loudly for 30 minutes after he was born and kicked a lot.

Coming Out of My Theological Closet

2009-02-07T18:27:00.004+09:00

Basically, my view of how to interpret the Bible has changed. I have changed from a "literal" perspective of the Bible to a more "evolutionary" perspective.**

To put it in legal terms, I've moved from being a "strict constructionist" to a "loose constructionist." When I was 16, I read a book by called A Matter of Interpretation by Antonin Scalia. He, of course, argues for strict interpretation of legal texts, but the book contains several chapters by other legal scholars arguing for loose constructionism. At that time, I was strongly in favor of strict interpretation of both the Bible and the Constitution, as well as other legal texts. After reading it, I found the argument for loose constructionism to be more compelling, though I did not change my view for several years.

In seminary, I encountered other books that began to change me. One notable book is called Slaves, Women, and Homosexuals: Exploring the Hermeneutics of Cultural Analysis by William J. Webb. In it, he tries to "work out the hermeneutics involved in distinguishing that which is merely cultural in Scripture from that which is timeless." In essence, he argues that we cannot simply take a verse which Paul wrote to give advice to the Corinthians or Galatians and then directly transplant that verse to apply to our own situation. All parts of the Bible were written in a historical-cultural context and must always be interpreted with that context in mind. That does not mean that the Bible is not true; it just means it must be interpreted in context. As you can guess from the title, he deals specifically with the interpretational problems regarding slavery, women's issue and homosexuality.

His thoughts on slavery and women were impressive to me. Just 150 years ago, many Christians argued that slavery was endorsed by the Bible because Paul told slaves to sumbit to their masters. Now, almost no one makes such an argument, but people do continue to argue that women are to submit to their husbands or that women should not preach or teach because women are not meant by God to hold such authority. Webb argues that the Bible deals honestly and practically with the issues of its time, such as slavery. But he makes the crucial distinction that the Bible is not endorsing these oppressive systems but rather providing practical advice for dealing with these systems.

I believe that God wants freedom and equality for all people and that Bible testifies to this.

My thought are still a work in progress, so bear with me. I would say that they Bible is the starting place for my thinking and a constant source of guidance but it is not the ending place. I do think we have to interpret the Bible in harmony with modern science and with our experiences and our culture and with as many other people and perspectives as possible. Sitting alone in a room and reading to Bible is an important step, but we have to come out of that room and interact with the world around us to fully understand it's meaning.

I still have other issues left. I continue to struggle with the idea of hell and eternal punishment. The Roman Catholic view on the afterlife is more appealing to me than the Protestant one. I also struggle with the meaning and significance of other religions. I'd probably have to classify myself as a "liberal Christian" though I say that with fear and trembling. BTW, if you have a chance, go to the bookstore and find a copy of Best American Essays 2007 and read the essay "Onward, Christian Liberals" by Marilynne Robinson. Short and sweet defense of liberal Christianity.

A few other random thoughts: I believe that God does not change but our (the human race's) understanding of God continues to grow and evolve. I'm not sure why God has set up the world this way, but I do think we as human beings must be open to new knowledge and open to refining our understanding. Also I believe that God is not much impressed with the fine details of our theology but that God cares very much about how we treat other people. And I believe that God is good, even though I repelled by the enormity of suffering and evil in this world.

I think it's time for me to come out of the theological closet, so to speak. I often wish I didn't care so much about religion because it would make my life easier. There is nothing more painful than being accused of not taking the Bible seriously, when in fact I take it extremely seriously. If I didn't take it seriously, I wouldn't have banged my head against the wall for so many years trying to make sense of it.

**Yes, I do use the term "evolution" on purpose. In spite of being raised at a young earth creationist, I am now a theistic evolutionist. That is, I believe in God and I also accept the findings of modern science. Many steps brought me to this place. One worth mentioning here is the book Evolution and Christian Faith: Reflections of an Evolutional Biologist by Joan Roughgarten, a professor at Stanford University. She is a scientist, not a theologian, but her insights into the intersection between faith and evolutions are illuminating. It's short enough to read in an afternoon or a single day.

**This post is actually an excerpt from an email which I write to my dear cousin Steph!

Finding Personal Healing (Part One)

2009-02-07T01:41:00.001+09:00

I've been asked by somebody to briefly describe how I found some measure of emotional healing. Okay, so they didn't use the word "briefly," and that's fortunate. Brevity finds no mention in my list of personal virtues.

WARNING: This is my highly subjective and personal opinion. What I may not apply to you. It is not my recommendation for other people, just an observation of what worked for me.

FURTHER WARNINGS: If you are an conservative Evangelical, this may upset you. If you don't want to be upset, please stop reading now. If you are not a Christian, feel free to continue but you may have no idea what I'm talking about.
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A major thing that helped me to achieve emotional healing was to quit reading the Bible so often, quit being involved in ministry, rarely attend church, and start drinking a few beers.

You have to understand my background. I was raised in a deeply religious, deeply conservative Christian home. I started to read the BIble (the real thing--not a children's version) from the time I was 7 years old. I was strongly encouraged to read the Bible every single day, and I did so for many years. Later on, I attended a four year BIble college and after that I went to seminary.

I am highly intellectual, extremely analytical, and also prone to depression. This is a dangerous combination. I got myself all freaked out by the Bible, stressed out by the Christian world, and full of guilt and depression about all the things I should be doing but wasn't able to do.

Freaked out by the Bible: I had a wonderful honeymoon with the Bible from when I was about 12 to 14 years old. I'd pull out my two front teeth to be able to return to that state of mind. I read and found all the beauty, peace and inspiration. I was fed by the Bible. Later on, things changed, particularly as I began to seriously struggle with difficult doctrines, especially related to hell. Nothing upsets me more painfully than the thought of hell. Strangely, I've never worried I might end up there myself, but I worried myself sick about all the other people who might end up there. Those of you who don't know what this is like, please be thankful you don't know. This is still THE major barrier to me being a "normal" Christian.

Stressed Out By the Christian World: Whether rightfully or not, I felt enormous pressure from other Christians to maintain a righteous looking exterior. Maybe this was just my perception or maybe the people around me truly were pressuring me. Probably some of both. I have good speaking skills, good writing skills, a certain amount of charisma, a degree from a well-known Bible school plus several years of education (but no degree) from a well-known seminary. On top of that, my linguistic skills are excellent which tends to impress people too much. Thus for about the past 10 years, no matter which church I attend, people are quickly "inviting" me (read: pressuring and manipulating me) to "minister."

It's great that people like and trust me, though I always wonder what kind of drugs they must be taking. But on the dark side, I've had no room to struggle. And God knows, I need to struggle more than average. I am the only person I know who has mananged to either doubt or dissect the hell out of every single major doctrine while still remaining a Christian. It would be nice to be an atheist for awhile just to get a fresh perspective. And don't even mention minor doctrines.

Full of Guilt and Depression: I seriously felt I ought to be awake at 5 AM everyday, reading the Bible for an hour, praying for an hour, and then living a perfectly righteous life until I went to bed at midnight after a long day of selflessly serving the poor and evangelizing every person who came within 100 yards of me. My failure to do all of these things drove me to feel guilty the moment I woke up in the morning. No joke. I actually have experienced hearing the alarm clock go off and then feeling guilty for my pathetic existence before I even managed to open my sorry eyes. This is not exactly the "come to me all ye who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest" kind of life that Jesus promised.

I never made a decision to quit going to church or quit reading the Bible. It was more of a "mañana, mañana" delayal. For various reasons, I ended up moving frequently for more than five years. Every time I moved, I had to find a new church. That's tough in normal circumstances, but my state of mind/soul was far from normal. The result was I just didn't go to church often. And I didn't read the Bible often.

As time went on, I began drinking a few beer with heathens and sinners. It helped me be less anal-retentive.

Part Two will be posted later. Hasta mañana.

Washington Apples in China

2009-02-06T16:56:00.000+09:00

My Son's Favorite Chinese Fruit

2009-02-06T16:55:00.000+09:00

Cantonese "Cold" Tea

2009-02-06T16:52:00.000+09:00

This is a Joke

2009-02-06T16:50:00.000+09:00

Chinese Tea Pots

2009-02-06T16:27:00.000+09:00

The View from the Apartment

2009-02-04T08:31:00.000+09:00

This is the view from my friend's apartment in China.

A Typical Moment in China

2009-02-03T15:36:00.000+09:00

All I can say is that it is a miracle I only gained one kilogram.

Crocheted Vests, Nice Girls, and Selfhood

2009-01-08T00:53:00.001+09:00

This picture of me must have been taken when I was about 15 years old.
I attempted to bake a loaf of challah, and was successful beyond my expectations.
I still love baking.
But what strikes me about this picture is the green crocheted vest.
I bought this vest at Target for perhaps $20.
I loved it. I still love it.
But I threw it away years ago, convinced that it was too frumpy, determined to "divest" myself of my squeaky clean nice girl look.
Have I been successful? No.
In spite of ten year of attempting to change myself, I have finally reverted back to a form of myself that most closely resembles my early teenage years.
What to do? Crochet some vests, I guests.

2008 in Review

2009-01-07T09:50:00.000+09:00

January-- Started taking a Chinese conversation class every morning.
February--Started a second job teaching at a Government Education Institute.
March--Endured a terrible month.
April--Started riding my bike back and forth to work.
June--Quit my job at YBM.
July--Started studying Korean in Seoul at Yonsei University.
August--Moved into my own apartment.
September--Dad visited from the US (thanks, Dad!).
October--Spent large sums of money furnishing my apartment.
November--Bought a lovely little brown poodle.
December--Wrapped up this year's classes and had a big birthday party.

Back to Blogging?

2009-01-06T20:49:00.004+09:00

A wonderful phone call from Catez and an inspiring visit to Molly and Chewymom have inspired me to start blogging. So. I. Have. Started. Again.

There.

The problem is keeping going. The noise level in my apartment is truly unbelievable. I mean, no one believes me. I have one child, just one. How can one child, with the help of a 1.8 pound poodle puppy, manage to create a roar, a din, a cacauphony that mangles my nerves, jangles my brain, and tangles my barely typing fingers.

I will keeping typing, I will, I will. . .

Mothering is challenging to me. Whoever hired me for this job appears to have made a mistake.

This is the best I can do for today. The neighbors have heard me screaming. I can hear it in their anxious rumblings next door.

Keats had it right. "When I have fears that I may cease to be
Before my pen has glean'd my teeming brain. . . ."

In fact, Keats never gets around to saying what exactly happened when he had some fear, but I know what happens to me.

I panic.

Thus, I'd better start blogging again.

Slow Burning

2008-05-31T12:16:00.000+09:00

Students Opens Bottle of Beer with Chopsticks

2008-05-31T12:11:00.000+09:00

Essentials for the Well-Accesorized Robot

2008-05-31T12:09:00.000+09:00

Nothing Like Fresh Baked Challah

2008-05-31T12:08:00.000+09:00

Blacks, Asians, and Over-30's Need Not Apply

2008-05-16T12:14:00.005+09:00

My favorite Korean female singer is Insooni , a 50-something of mixed Korean-Black heritage. With a powerful voice and a inspiring story of overcoming racism, she never fails to lift my spirits. Sometimes, I forget that the racism she overcame is still alive and well.

The school where I teach English in Incheon, South Korea is looking for new teachers. The hiring process is time-consuming, especially since the Korean government wisely began requiring criminal background checks for all new English teachers. The head of the foreign teachers has been searching through applications for several months. Some of what he received is not pretty. Exhibit A: Photo of a 60-year old white man in an undershirt with his arms around an 18-year old Filipina woman. (If that was the best picture he could find for his resume, make you wonder what the other pictures were like.)

So after several months of searching through 100's of resumes, my supervisor selected two people. Both were academically qualified, experienced teachers who (as a nice bonus) appeared to not be predators or pedophiles. What more could one ask for?

My school's manager rejected both them on one basis only: their races. One applicant was a black male. The other applicant was a Korean-American. The manager, who is a Korean, explicitly stated that she only wants to hire people with blonde-hair and blue eyes who are under the age of 30.

Our school will likely have to cancel classes after I leave because of the lack of teachers. I hope they loose a lot of money.

2008-04-09T10:22:00.001+09:00

Java Programming Problem

2007-11-08T11:06:00.000+09:00

100
200 202
300 304 308
400 406 412 418
.
.
.
.
900 916 932 ..............1028

I was given this pattern and asked to write a Java program to output this pattern, including the number which weren't given. It was suprisingly hard, but I did it, and I'm proud! Here's the code (with formatting so kindly ruined by Blogger.) Looks so simple, doesn't it?

class Numbers
{
public static void main (String [] args)
{
int row; // controls number increases in the rows
int colm; // controls number increases in the columns

for (row=1; row<=9; row++)
{
for (colm=1; colm<=row; colm++)
{
System.out.printf(" %3d ", 100*row + (colm-1)*((row-1)*2));
}
System.out.print("\n");
}
}
}

What's Wrong With This Picture?

2007-11-08T10:55:00.000+09:00

Protesters at Incheon City Hall

2007-10-27T18:35:00.000+09:00

News Flash from Me

2007-08-31T09:58:00.000+09:00

1. Got a Facebook account. Love it. Get one yourself and add me! Search for Hannah Nedrow.
2. Finally got a Premium Chinesepod account. Never felt so happy about a $240 purchase.
3. Starting a fulltime teaching job tomorrow at YBM. I love teaching English just about as much as I thought I'd hate it. My students are bright, happy, hardworking, open-minded, and diligent.
4. Best of all, my father is arriving in Korea in 7 hours!
5. Considering enrolling in fall classes at Harvard Extension School. The selection is tempting, and the price is right.

The Doubts of Those Who Want To Believe

2007-08-31T09:31:00.000+09:00

"I think there is no suffering greater than what is caused by the doubts of those who want to believe.” Flannery O’Connor This quote was on my blog for several months. I received an thoughtful email from a friend regarding it. She gave me permission to share it with you. Here is what Julie says. . .

I agree. See my blog entry in November 2006 and you'll see why. I try and
try, but somehow, full faith escapes me. I believe in the philosophy of
Jesus, Buddha, etc...but I can't accept the dogma, rules, and hypocrisies
that I feel exist in Catholicism and other organized Christian religions.
Furthermore, so many "religious" people that I know talk a lot, but do very
little in the way of meaningful action. Is prayer once a week in church or
attendance at the annual pot-luck fundraiser really the epitomy of one's
ability to "serve" humanity during this life? For me, that's the essense of
religion -- serving others and quashing one's own selfish desires. I
continue to seek my path -- I often feel like I should "jump on the bus" of
some organized group, perhaps as a way to validate that I'm "religious".
But, every group I've encountered thrusts at me their bag of dogma that I
can't swallow. Am I "faithless" because I can't believe that Jesus really
"rose from the dead" in the literal sense? Do you have any thoughts on
this?

I have had many similar feeling myself, and I'll post some thoughts later. If anyone is still reading this blog after my long absense, let me know what you think. Peace!

Shoooong Paper Airplane

2007-08-31T09:00:00.000+09:00

It's jard to tupe witj three fimgers

2007-08-04T11:14:00.001+09:00

Washing Buggy's hair isn't an easy job either.

Lines from Wordsworth

2007-07-29T11:25:00.003+09:00

There was a time when meadow, grove, and stream.

The earth and every common sight,

That to me did seem

Apparelled in celestial light,

The glory and the freshness of a dream.

it is not now as it hath been of yore;--

Turn wheresoe'er I may,

By night or day,

The things which I have seen I now can see no more.

The rainbow comes and goes,

And lovely is the rose,

The moon doth with delight

Look round her when the heavens are bare,

Winters on a starry night

Are beautiful and fair;

The sunshine is a glorious birth;

But yet I know where'er I go,

That there hath past away a glory from the earth.

Have you got your clams in a row?

2007-07-18T09:26:00.000+09:00

A Sashimi Feast in Busan

2007-07-18T09:15:00.000+09:00

This 这
Is 是
A 非
Meal 常
To 好
Die 吃
For 的
I 菜
Love 我
Korean 爱
Sashimi 韩国的菜

I'm Going to Be on TV-KBS2

2007-07-07T12:59:00.000+09:00

Got a call from my Pastor yesterday. He said, "I got a call from a reporter at KBS2 and they want to meet you."

"Really?"

"Yes, I gave them your phone number. They want to interview you."

A few minutes later. . . The reportor called.

"Can I meet you this afternoon?"

"Okay." Took deep breath and immediate bolted out the door to buy new lipstick, hair gel, and nail polish.

In the presence of two tall iced mochas and one kiwi juice, we settled on next Wednesday as the filming date.

Oh yes, the topic: food. Burritos, in particular. The reporter remains unconvinced that burritos are an American food. Sigh.

What's an American food anyway, folks? I could make pizza, but no that's Italian. I could make my favorite spicy rice noodles, but no that's Thai.

The program will be shown in Korean on KBS2 on July 16. I forgot the time.

If Only I Were Van Gogh

2007-06-28T15:47:00.000+09:00

This
is
what
I
felt
like
drawing
today.
I
don't
know
if
it
represents
me
or
not.

Grasping the Fish by the Head

2007-06-28T15:29:00.000+09:00

Let's Sue Amp'd Mobile

2007-05-28T13:20:00.000+09:00

In spite of trying to contact Ampd Mobile for several months, I have seen heard nothing from them, as detailed in the post below. As comments on that post show, I am not the only one that they have duped. I tried to file a complaint with BBB, but they said the address for Amp'd Mobile was not valid. I'm going to try again with a different address, but if I am unsuccessful again, I think it's time to get a lawyer. Not sure how to file a suit against a company like this, but I'm mad enough to try.

Anybody else out there? Class action?

Video #2: Counting to 10

2007-05-20T09:17:00.000+09:00

Video #1 Budda's Birthday Preparation

2007-05-20T09:09:00.000+09:00

Ampd Mobile is the Worse Cellphone Provider Ever!

2007-04-19T07:10:00.001+09:00

Disgusting! Avoid Ampd Mobile! I ordered a cell phone from Ampd one month ago with a prepaid plan. They sent it out to me, but I couldn't get it activated no matter how hard I tried. I tried contacting them by phone, email, and chat, but I couldn't reach anyone. The pathetic response which I copied below is all I could get. What rip off! They promised me a $100 rebate but without getting my phone number I can't get the rebate.

--- Original Message ---
From: "Hannah Im"
Received: 03/20/2007 11:35am Eastern Standard Time (GMT - 4:00 )
To: customercare@ampd.cust-serv.com
Subject: Unable to active

Dear Ampd,

I received my Hollywood phone last Friday. Since then, I have been unable to
activate it. When I attach the phone to my pc and attempt to install it, it
gives me an error message that the driver cannot be found, even after I
specify that the driver is on the CD. I tried this on several computers. I
am running Win XP.

Also, when I log in to Ampd.com, there is no information at all about this
current purchase. I cannot even find out what my current number is. I
already paid for $20 worth of minutes, and I expect to be able to use them.

I appreciate your prompt attentiont to this matter.

Sincerely,

H Im

Hi hnedrow@****.com,
Thanks for your email.

We apologize that it has taken longer than the promised 24-48 hours to get to your e-mail but we are growing faster than expected. If your problem has been solved please do not respond to this e-mail however if it has not been solved please call in at 1-866-811-0091 so we can assist you.

Have we answered your question? We hope so. If any other questions come to mind, feel free to email back.

Congratulations, Esther and Bob!

2007-04-07T20:43:00.000+09:00

행복한 오늘에는 내가 몇번이나 눈물을 흘릴 뻔했는군요! 나는 슬프지 않았는데요. 마음속에 깊이 기뻤단 말이에요. 왜냐하면 우리 소중하고 사랑하는 여동생이 결혼하기 때문이에요. 축하합니다! 사랑합니다! 하나님께서 인도해주실 걸 믿어요. 천국에 계시는 어머니가 보고 싶어요.

Big News: I'm Leaving

2006-08-22T15:37:00.000+09:00

(This is a duplicate of the original post at Hannah Im--just in case it goes down for awhile while I move hosts. Comments may be left at either location.)

No, I'm not leaving this blog, in case you were wondering. But I'm leaving Korea. On Saturday, August 26th, Buggy Boy and I will fly down from the sky in the hot afternoon sun and put our feet down on the soil of Dallas, Texas. Most likely, we'll be in an airplane, not actually flying on our own power. Just in case you got the wrong impression.

On Sunday, we'll try to settle in the Dallas, and then Monday morning at 8 AM, I'll be starting classes again at Dallas Seminary. I'm sure 36 hours will be plenty of time for me to adjust to the ungodly heat of Dallas, get over my presumable jetlag, and be ready for a semester composed entirely of Hebrew and Greek classes. No problem there. (For those of you who want the gory details: OT101-102 Hebrew, NT220 Discourse Features of NT Greek, and Exegesis of 1 Corinthians)
Seriously, the peace I have thus far as I prepare to go through this transition astonishes me. I have a history of near-nervous breakdowns when facing large decisions involving any uncertainties. There is something in me that cannot bear to see the sun go down without planning out the next 60 years. Yet this time, the only thing keeping me awake at night is my fear that I'm too relaxed. It's not like my current plan is airtight.

My husband has been urging me to go back to Dallas and finish my degree almost since we landed on Korean soil two years ago. I swore I would never, ever go back without him. Being separated almost seems sinful to me. But not to my husband. Being separated for some time is a quite common situation in Korean families. My husband's own father spent a number of years getting his Ph.D. in Japan while his wife and children stayed behind in Korea. No one I speak to in Korea seems to find anything strange about me leaving to study and my husband staying behind to work.

So, finally, I've decided my husband is right, and I do need to go back and finish my degree. Our pastor and the members of our church here all support me and gave me a wonderful farewell last Sunday after church. So, I'm going with the blessing and peace of the people whose opinion matter. Yet, I confess I still sometimes fear what people will think of me. Perhaps because I used to be a master of narrow minded judgmentalism, I expect to find the same in others. Rarely is that fear realized, but there is always a person or two that doesn't let me down.

If gambling weren't prohibited in seminary, I'd lay down a $2 bill that I'm going to be an oddity on campus. (But forget seminary. I can safely lay down my fortunes that I'll be an oddity wherever I go. Sniff. Sniff.) Official statistics state that DTS has 1,476 male students and 461 female students Among those women, I only know of one student who is the mother of young children. There was one other who like me had a baby in the middle of her studied, but she graduated. And I doubt there is anyone else whose husband is working in another country to support her. Let me know if I'm wrong.

Like the prophets, I have times when I wonder what God is trying to do. Both on a macro and micro scale. I can't complain about what God has done in my life thus far. Blessing have abounded. But I have to admit I find His dealings to be a little. . . weird. Just when I thought my life was weird enough, it just gets weirder. At this rate, I'll be a unspeakably strange person by the time I'm 50. (Some of you would say I don't have to wait that long. . .) I guess God wants some variety in his kingdom.

Change Your Bookmarks, Folks!

2006-03-20T09:19:00.000+09:00

All right, I'm going to bite the bullet and announce the grand opening of my new blog! There are still things that I need to tweak (most noticably the header), but I know that I'll never have my blog totally finished. I'd better accept that it will be a work in progress, and get on with it.

New Address: http://www.hannahim.com (A number of you already found me!)

I won't be erasing this Blogger site for a while, if ever. But there will be no new posting here, so please change your bookmarks and/or RSS subscriptions.

This Blog is About to Be Moved

2006-03-15T10:08:00.000+09:00

Yes, folks, I am leaving my humble blogger home behind and moving to a brand new site with a brand new template. My excitement even exceeds the joy I felt when I finally bought a yoghurt maker--and that was nearly pure bliss. No joke.

This new blog will use tags (like Flickr and Del.icio.us) instead of categories. Honestly, I haven't felt this relaxed in months--guess I take this blogging business seriously. I will be announcing the location soon, once I install a few more plugins, get my header to work, and develop a few more pages. The new domain name is quite obvious and you could probably find it without my even telling you. (If you do, leave a comment so I can see if the new comment system is working.)

So, for the next few days, this blog will be being prepared for it's new home. You are free to leave comments here, but I don't think I can import them to the new site. I'm having major issues with the PHP script, and may not be able to import my previous posts at all. Thus, you may want to save your energy for the upcoming Grand Opening.

PS I won't be erasing this site, but I will soon be asking you to change your bookmarks.

Sunday Morning Thoughts

2006-03-12T08:27:00.000+09:00

Though little Buggy Boy woke mama up five times last night, it is a happy and sunny Sunday morning here on the west coast of South Korea. As Buggy naps in the sunshine on the stone bed and mama drinks yet another cup of tea, one Korean gospel station is playing hymns and sermons. I have been checking email. And after reading my mother-in-law's email, I started thinking.

My my 65 year old mother-in-law and my 70 year old father-in-law have just emigrated to Canada and are in the midst of obtaining residency there. This month, my FIL will begin a new job in the Korean research department of the University of B.C. Not everyone is up to launching a new career at age 70--but FIL is. I'm proud of him.

Then, I hear that my almost 80-year grandmother has finally gotten online! This isn't exactly a shock, since Grandma has never gotten old--in my opinion. After raising five children and working as a homemaker for 65 years, she went to work at the age when most people are retiring. Then, at age 70, she headed off by herself to live in Jerusalem and work with refugees coming from Eastern Europe. After that, she's been driving around the country all by herself each summer exploring places she had never seen. And now she's online! She now has her own Gmail account, and she is learning how to use Firefox. I've even been chatting with her and sending her pictures using Hello. She complains to me that she doesn't retain information as well as she did when she was younger, but considering that she is complaining to me through the new chatting program that she is learning, I don't feel too bad for her. The next step is for Grandma to get her own blog! I'll be working on that one.

1 Peter 4:1-2

2006-03-08T17:07:00.000+09:00

Χριστου ουν παθοντος σαρκι
και υμεις την αυτην εννοιαν οπλισασθε,
οτι ο πανθων σαρκι πεπαυται αμαρτιας
εις το μηκετι ανθρωπων επιθυμιας
αλλα θεληματι θεου τον επιλοιπον εν σαρκι βιωσαι χρονον.

ενοιαν (attitude)
οπλισασθε (v. 2nd aor mid impv οπλιζω) to arm
πεπταυται (v. 3rd sing perf pass ind παυω) to suffer
μεκετι no longer
επιθυμιας desire (noun)
επιλοιπον remainder
βιωσαι to live

Related Tags: Greek, New Testament, Bible

Of Spam and Emerging Churches

2006-03-05T20:57:00.000+09:00

I was (to my regret) in our local Carrefour again shopping among the overpriced goods when I noticed a sample lady had stepped away from her counter and had left a nice plate of samples ready for me to swoop upon. I hate listening to the sales speel, so I did a quick "drive-by" sampling before she could catch me. So I tasted without looking at what I was tasting. Hey, it was pretty good stuff! I couldn't help glancing back to see what I had eaten. Tata! Spam! Yes, the vegetarian, crunchy, organic type of girl that I am had not only eaten spam but liked it. All these years of vilifying spam as the worst packaged food on the planet. Now, I have to confess that when I gave it a fair (i.e. blind) taste-test, I sort-of liked it. What to do? Well, DH and I went down to a restaurant in our apartment building and ate a bubbling pot of Korean spam and hot dog stew for lunch. Good stuff, that spam. I guess a year and a half of eating rice and kimchi and tofu has made me appreciate the greasier side of life.

So, now for a bigger confession. One that might not make any sense to some of my readers, but bear with me. When I first started blogging in December 2005, I came across the phrase "emerging churches." My innocent mind assumed that meant the churches that were emerging out of formerly non-Christian cultures, like Korea. Well, I'm all about that. So I addded "emerging church" to my blogger profile. That didn't last long. The Christian blogs which I read were generally of the Reformed variety, and were virtually unanimous in criticizing the Emergent church movement. I'm a theological girl myself, and when I hear that a group of crazy people are denying the existence of absolute truth, throwing away their Bibles, and worshipping with some guy named Brian McLaren by candlelight, all I can say is, "Must be a bunch of heretics!" So I removed "emerging church" from my profile, and washed my hands with anti-bacterial soap afterwards.

Fast forward to February 2005. I read an article by Scot McKnight "The Future or Fad? A Look at the Emerging Church Movement (PDF)" and, to my surprise, his description of the ethos of the emerging movement was a dead-on description of myself. Read it and be surprised. The only way in which I am markedly different from what he describes is that I am highly interested in doctrine, including both Biblical and systematic theology and the ancient creeds. But, even then, my approach to theology is very similar to what he describes today in Emergent Voices. So, I may have to seriously rethink my position on the emerging movement. It seems that, in spite of thinking I dislike it, I've found that it may be exactly where I'm heading.

So, what next? I found out from TallSkinnyKiwi (aka Andrew Jones) that an Aussie emerging church consultant named Fuzz Kitto will be in Korea this week to network with likeminded people. Subway strike should be resolved now, and I'll be meeting Fuzz tomorrow morning in downtown Seoul for a cup of Joe. I'm excited. This is the first time for me to meet a Real Live Emergent Church Leader. I hope to get a better sense of what the EM is and how I should relate to it. I certainly be blogging about it after I talk to him.

Good night!

Related Tags: Emerging Churches, Christianity, Emergent

Consider It All As Loss

2006-03-02T15:50:00.000+09:00

Well, first I lost a long, detailed post that I spent almost an hour working on. I had already felt guilty for spending time blogging when I could/should be doing language study, so there was no way I could justify spending another hour to redo it. As my son would say, "Bye-Bye!"

Then, I tried to take my son to his doctor for a follow-up appointment , but when I arrived at the station to transfer from the Incheon Line to Seoul Line One, I discovered that the subway was still on partial strike. According to last night's news, the workers union had agreed to the terms presented, so I expected the strike would be over. Not so. The express train from Incheon to Seoul was totally shut down, and the regular train was only coming every 20 minutes instead of every 5 minutes. The platform was so alarmingly packed with people that I knew that if I managed to get on the train it wouldn't even be standing room only--it would be me crushed so closely against everyone else that I wouldn't even have to put my feet on the ground. So we went home. (Photo is of where I was trying to go, but fail to reach.)

Now, Julana asked if we have winter here in Korea. Here's what Buggy and I looked like a few weeks ago.

The view from DH's office window

Lent Has Begun

2006-03-02T11:54:00.000+09:00

My Savior, be Thou near me when death is at my door;
Then let Thy presence cheer me, forsake me nevermore!
When soul and body languish, oh, leave me not alone,
But take away mine anguish by virtue of Thine own!

Be Thou my consolation, my shield when I must die;
Remind me of Thy passion when my last hour draws nigh.
Mine eyes shall then behold Thee, upon Thy cross shall dwell,
My heart by faith enfolds Thee. Who dieth thus dies well.

--Last two verses of "O Sacred Head Now Wounded" by Bernard of Clairvaux--

All Flesh is Like Grass

2006-02-28T09:37:00.000+09:00

διοτι
πασα σαρξ ως χορτος
και πασα δοξα αυτης ως ανθος χορτου
εξηρανθη ο χορτος
και το ανθος εξεπεσεν
το δε ρημα κυριου μενει εις τον αιωνα
τουτο δε εστιν το ρημα το ευαγγελισθεν εις υμας

For
all flesh is like grass,
and all her glory is like the flower of the grass.
The grass withers,
and the flower fades.
But the word of the Lord remains until eternity.
This is the word which was proclaimed to you.

Note: Verbs are red; adjectives are green, noun/pronoun phrases are blue etc.
But you could see that for yourself, right? Have fun!

A Note from My Husband

2006-02-27T19:39:00.000+09:00

What we did this weekend:
지난 토요일엔 그 동안 가지 못했던 소아과에 가서 아들 노아의 검진을 받았죠.
그냥 심한 감기때문에 갔었지만 노아에게 귀 안에 염증이 있는 중이염에 걸린 걸 알았죠. 물론 감기약 처방전도 받아들고 약국에 가서 약도 받고 그동안 못가봤던 제과점에 가서 빵도 사고 알고 지내던 구멍가게 아저씨도 볼 겸 구멍가게에 들어갔다 아저씨 대신 아주머니만 보고 베지밀이라고 하는 두유를 집사람과 한 병씩 사다들고 지하철역으로 향했죠.
탑골 공원에서 예전에 알고 지내던 신목사님 사모님과 금순 스톤 집사님을 만나기로 해서 시간은 넉넉했지만 다소 마음은 급하게 전철에 올랐답니다.
종각역에서 내려 탑골공원 정문에 들어서자 벌써 낯 익은 금순 스톤 집사님 얼굴이 눈에 들어 오더군요. 안 본지 1주일 정도 밖에 안되었는 지 왠지 모를 반가움이 마치 몇 년은 지나서 만난 것 마냥 기뻤습니다. 신 목사님 사모님 핸드폰으로 전화를 하고 뒤 돌아서니 사모님이 벌써 나타나셨더군요. 반갑다는 말 대신에 공기 나쁜 인천에서 오느라 수고했다며 인사동으로 발을 재촉하는 사모님 뒷 모습을 따르며 걷기 시작했답니다.
마치 벌써 어디로 행보를 정하셨는 지 인파도 아랑곳하지 않고 주변에 볼거리들도 무시한 채 계속 앞으로 앞으로 걸어만 가셔서 여쭤보니 "지리산"이라는 음식점으로 가신다고 하시더군요. 한정식 전문점이라고 하시더니 정말 들어가는 길이 이리 구불 저리 구불 지리산 간 걸로 치고 들어갔죠. 말그대로 지리산음식점에서 간판메뉴인 지리산 정식을 먹고 이런 저런 얘기를 하고는 집사람과 사모님 그리고 금순 집사님 오붓이 즐거운 시간 보내시라고 전 울고 야단치는 노아데리고 그 길로 인천으로 돌아오는 전철에 올랐답니다.

Related Tags: Korea, Korean language, Parenting

My Weekend in Pictures

2006-02-27T16:51:00.000+09:00

I'm typing one-handed again! On Saturday we took Buggy Boy to the doctor, then met two ladies we knew from the States. More explanation later, I hope!

Me!

2006-02-27T15:04:00.000+09:00

Here I Am

2006-02-27T09:54:00.000+09:00

Have spent the last few days holding a sick little guy in my arms. Buggy Boy is not usually a lap baby. He's always wanting to wiggle out of my grasp and get his hands on whatever new thing he can find. So, in a way, it has been nice to hold him and comfort him.

I've done a lot of blog and news reading, and I am full of thoughts. But I don't have two hands free to write! So, eventually, I will get back to answering the comments here and also commenting elsewhere--as well as catching up on my email. Until then, I'm going to enjoy the place God has put me.

FYI, Lent begins March 1. March 1 is also a National Holiday in Korea celebrating an Independence Movement that was formed under Japanese Occupation in 191* (I have to check that date). Interestingly, many of the Independence Leaders were Christians. My husband's maternal grandmother was a Christian from a small village in North Korea. Her husband seems to have been an ambassador to China for the Independent Korean Government. Thus, my mother-in-law was born in Beijing and spent her early childhood in China. Her father was kidnapped from his home by North Koreans on the morning of June 25, 1950 and has never been heard from since. Since there is no proof of his death (though clearly he must be dead by now), the South Korean government won't issue any medals of honor for him or recognize his service in the Independence Movement. But that's another story.

Four Surprises

2006-02-22T14:24:00.000+09:00

First, a missionary couple I know witnessed their friend murdered on their own front lawn. The man was a member of the tribe they have been working to reach. Tribal warfare has now forced them to evacute.

Second, another servent of God just this week heard the gunshots and screams when several of her next door neighbors were murdered one night. The police in this particular country offer no protection or help.

Third, less dramatic but closer to home, a very dear friend is grieving the loss of a dream she had deeply hoped for.

And then, I got an email from my father. He's been laid off--without even a day's notice.

May I be a messenger of peace to those around me who are suffering.

Little Drummer Boy

2006-02-20T17:44:00.000+09:00

Anise Biscotti Recipe

2006-02-17T15:05:00.000+09:00

3 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup white sugar
Lots and lots of anise seed or cracked black pepper

3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour (whole wheat can be easily substituted)
1 tablespoon baking powder

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, beat together the oil, eggs, sugar and anise flavoring until well blended. Combine the flour and baking powder, stir into the egg mixture to form a heavy dough. Divide dough into two pieces. Form each piece into a roll as long as your cookie sheet. Place roll onto the prepared cookie sheet, and press down to 1/2 inch thickness.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown. Remove from the baking sheet to cool on a wire rack. When the cookies are cool enough to handle, slice each one crosswise into 1/2 inch slices. Place the slices cut side up back onto the baking sheet. Bake for an additional 6 to 10 minutes on each side. Slices should be lightly toasted. Yum

부칠 엽서들은 못 찾아내는군!

2006-02-17T11:17:00.000+09:00

몇 주 전 난 엽서를 몇 장 써놓았다. 그거야 빨이 부치려했더니 날씨가 굉장이 추워져서 난 우체국으로 가는 기분이 막혔다. 그러니까 몇주 동안 엽서를 책상에다 넣어두었다. 이제는 날씨가 좀 풀려지는데 오늘 꼭 부칠 거라 생각하니 갈 준바를 다 되는데다가 그걸 못 찾아내는군! 곳곳마다 찾다 보니 사라지는 겉만 같다. 뭘 할지도. . . 또다시 쓰는게 정말 안타깝다.

All right, I'm posting this before my husband corrects it. We'll see what he has to say after he read it.

일기: 2월 15일

2006-02-15T16:10:00.000+09:00

이번 아침엔 평소보다 피곤해서 그런지 여덟시쯤 깨어났다. 그리고 나서 아침 상을 하느라고 놀이방으로 아이를 데리러 가느라고 샤워조차 못했다. 여전히 우리 아이의 아빠와 함께 데리러 갔다. 집으로 돌아오는 길에 우리 부부가 서로의 손을 잡고 걸었다. 그 때가 아직 일찍이어서 남편 출근하기 전에 우리 사는 건물에 있는 어떤 카페에서 커피를 한잔 했다. 역시 미래 타령을 했다. 신랑이 보기엔 내년쯤 미국의 대학원에 들어갈 가능이 있단다. 그러나 내년보다 일찍 공부하기 시작했으면 좋겠단다. 공부만 생각하면 나도 마찬가지다. 우리 가족 생활이나 내 꿈을 생각하면 좋게 느껴지지만 않다. 나는 미국사람이어도 미국생활이 낮설어진 것 같다.

하여튼 오전 열시 삼십분에 나와 같은 건물에 사는 친구를 방문했다. 그 친구는 임신했으니까 몇 주 전에 자기의 직장을 그만뒀단다. 그래서 여유가 생긴단다. 요즘은 거의 아침마다 만나게 된다. 대부분은 친구의 아파트에서 만난다. 왜냐하면 내 방은 예쁘게 마련되있지 않기 때문이다. 그런데 내일 아침은 우리 부평으로 갈 것이다.

점심을 간단하게 해 먹고 나서 밖으로 나가 산책할까 하다가 추워서 슈퍼를 돌아서 건물 안에 걸었다.

Satan in Northern Uganda

2006-02-14T19:05:00.000+09:00

If you don't know about the crisis in Northern Uganda, take a deep breath and read this article: Deliver Us From Kony. But I warn you, although it is written tastefully, the content is terribly disturbing. I read it about halfway through, took a break for a few days, and then finished reading it. A paramilitary group using Christian terminology and satanically twisted Christian theology is kidnapping thousands of children (congressional estimates are 20,000-50,000 children), forcing them to multilate and murder their own parents and other children, and abusing them in unthinkable ways. It sounds too incredible to be true, but it is well-documented and has been going on for years.

Take a moment to visit World Vision, read about their work in Northern Uganda and send an email to your senators and representatives asking them to take action to end crisis in Northern Uganda. Once you enter in your zip code, World Vision automatically finds the appropriate contact emails for you. It is ridiculously fast and easy to do. So do it! Here is a copy of my email.

********************************************
Feb 14, 2006

Senator Maria Cantwell
United States Senate
717 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington, DC 20510-0001

Dear Senator Cantwell,

I write to express my deep concern about the extreme humanitarian
crisis in northern Uganda. For 20 years, the Lord's Resistance Army
(LRA) has been fighting to overthrow the government of Uganda. LRA
rebels, based in southern Sudan - who are reportedly being sheltered
and armed by some extremists in Sudan's government - capture and use
children as frontline soldiers and sex slaves.

Fear of abduction causes as many as 40,000 children to flee their
rural homes each night. The conflict has uprooted at least 80 percent
of northern Uganda's population. More than 1.4 million people live in
squalid camps that usually lack food, clean water, and sanitation.

Leadership from the United States can bring peace to this troubled
region. I respectfully ask that you:

1.Call for a hearing to examine the crisis in northern Uganda. A
hearing will demonstrate a significant step toward greater U.S.
leadership to help end the 20-year war.

2. Urge the government of Sudan to stop all LRA activities within its
borders.

3. Direct high-level political support to bolster the ongoing peace
process led by Ugandan Parliamentarian Betty Bigombe and other local
leaders.

4. Dedicate more humanitarian assistance to help children and
families in need in northern Uganda.

Your attention to this urgent matter can drastically improve the
lives of those in northern Uganda -- especially children.

The Relationship Between Love and Holiness

2006-02-14T15:22:00.000+09:00

"Love that is sacredly devoted as it ought to be is what holiness is." Read the whole quote here. Really, read it. You'll be glad you did.

"Tolerance is to put up with others in spite of difference; to love is to engage others for who they are." From here.

Drink to Me Only With Thine Eyes by Ben Johnson

2006-02-14T13:26:00.000+09:00

Drink to me only with thine eyes
And I will but pledge with mine.
Or leave a kiss but in the cup
And I'll not ask for wine.

The thirst that from the soul doth rise
Doth ask a drink divine.
But might I of Jove's necter sup
I wouldst not exchange for thine.

I sang this to my DH over a plate of cream puffs today. There's a lovely bakery a few hundred feet from our apartment that sells yoghurt-filled cream puffs. Fake yoghurt, but still good. This poem is set to beautiful music, but I don't know how to share the music with you through this blog. You'll just have to enjoy the words.

Homemade Doughnuts Or How to Be a Good Wife

2006-02-13T19:48:00.000+09:00

Update: I got the recipe from Randi. I followed it fairly closely but I had to dissolve the yeast in the warm milk directly intead of adding it to the flour because the yeast here doesn't dissolve easily, even in a liquid. And I used 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil instead of 1/2 cup of shortening. Can't buy shortening here.

오늘

2006-02-13T19:00:00.000+09:00

오늘 점심에는 신랑이랑 비빔밤을 먹으면서 할머니의 생신 파티를 참석하기 위해 내가 노아 데리고 미국으로 이번여름에 돌아갈 이야기를 나눴다. 신랑은 좋은 생각이어서 가자고 했다. 나한테도 처음 생각이 그랬다. 그러나 점점 생각하다가 걱정되었다. 지난 3 년 동안은 내 생활이 자꾸 변했다. 몇번 큰 변화들을 겪어야 했고 얼마동안 당황했다는 말이다. 이제는 인천 살기에 좀 익숙한가 보다. 그래서 아무리 좋은 변화가 있을지라도 나는 반대하는 생각이 우러나온다.

7 Sevens in 2006

2006-02-13T09:40:00.000+09:00

No, I have not been struck with a sudden fit of apocolypticism (you know--the seven sevens in Daniel). Instead, I was tagged by Chewymom! (And she is definitely NOT the anti-Christ.)

7 things I want to do in 2006:
Learn to prepare more Korean vegetable side dishes
Get more involved in a church in Incheon.
Make more friends locally.
Greet people and smile at people more often.
Learn to make whole fermented soybeans (청국장)
Visit Thailand and the Philippines
Finish my Korean textbooks

7 things to do less of in 2006:
Screaming and yelling
Shopping at our expensive local supermarket
Getting the stomach flu
Riding the subway
Thinking about the future
Using English

7 ways I‘m going to be a better wife/mother/friend in 2006:
Remember peoples’ birthdays
Use Skype to call people back in the US of A
Give my DH a backrub more often
Plan something for Valentines Day—um, that’s tomorrow!
Pray for my family and friends more often
Try harder to understand my inlaws.
Find a great gift for my very first little niece/nephew.

7 Scripture Passages I want to memorize in 2006:
Well, I confess. I don’t plan or expect to memorize any scriptures this year. I’ve already memorized quite a lot of verses and if I memorize any more, I want to memorize them in Greek or Korean, not English.

7 Books I’ve Never Read that I‘m Going to Read in 2006:
(Sorry this list is pretty boring, but it’s the truth)
Korean Level 4
Korean Level 5
Korean Level 6
Korean Reading 4
Korean Reading 5
Korean Reading 6
The Rise of the Korean Economy

7 Movies I’ve Never Seen that I’m Going to Watch in 2006:
Narnia—and I plan to watch it at least 7 times.

7 people I want to join in too:
Essie in Manila
Random Thoughts
Eastern Sierra Sunshine
And YOU!

Deaf Smith Carrot Cake

2006-02-11T13:59:00.000+09:00

2 cups whole wheat pastry flour
1 teaspoon cinnamon
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/2 teaspoon nutmeg
2 teaspoons baking powder

7 medium carrots, grated fine
4 eggs, beaten
1/3 cup honey
1/3 cup oil

1 cup chopped walnuts
1 cup chopped dried fruit

Combine dry ingredients in one bowl and wet ingredients in another.
Gently combine both together and add the walnuts and dried fruit.
Pour into 9 x 13" pan.
Bake for one hour at 350.

*The recipe comes from The Deaf Smith Country Cookbook. If you're looking for a sweet, oily carrot cake this is not it! It is barely sweet enough to qualify as a cake, but then it is easy to justify eating it for breakfast, snack, and dessert. I baked a huge amount of this just before Buggy Boy was born. I froze it in pieces and then thawed it out piece by piece. I must have been eating it for a month postpartum. With a little whipped cream on the side, it is perfectly yummy!

Perichoresis: Mutual Indwelling

2006-02-10T13:36:00.000+09:00

While reading through a very long comment thread at Jesus Creed, I came across a new word, perichoresis. I looked it up and found it in this entry on Trinity.

A useful explanation of the relationship of the distinguishable persons of God is called perichoresis, which means, envelopment (taken woodenly the Greek says, "go around"). This concept refers for its basis to John 14-17, where Jesus is instructing the disciples concerning the meaning of his departure. His going to the Father, he says, is for their sake; so that he might come to them when the "other comforter" is given to them. At that time, he says, his disciples will dwell in him, as he dwells in the Father, and the Father dwells in him, and the Father will dwell in them. This is so, according to the theory of perichoresis, because the persons of the Trinity "reciprocally contain one another, so that one permanently envelopes and is permanently enveloped by, the other whom he yet envelopes." (Hilary, Concerning the Trinity, 3:1).

This co-indwelling may be helpful in illustrating the trinitarian conception of salvation. The first doctrinal benefit is that it effectively excludes the idea that God has parts. Trinitarians affirm that God is a simple, not an aggregate, being. God is not parcelled out into three portions. The second doctrinal benefit, is that it harmonizes well with the doctrine that the Christian's union with the Son in his humanity brings him into union with one who contains in himself, in St. Paul's words, "all the fullness of deity" and not a part. (See also: Theosis). Perichoresis provides an intuitive figure of what this might mean. The Son, the eternal Word, is from all eternity the dwelling place of God; he is, himself, the "Father's house", just as the Son dwells in the Father and the Spirit; so that, when the Spirit is "given", then it happens as Jesus said, "I will not leave you as orphans; for I will come to you."

Quite interesting. Something to ponder while Buggy Boy naps.

Defining Love

2006-02-09T16:44:00.000+09:00

Scot McKnight at Jesus Creed has come up with an excellent working definition of Christian love. "To love others is to yearn for, work for, and pray for what God wants for that person." Check out his quote in context of Christians and homosexuality here. I have to say that his blog has the absolute best comment section of any I've seen recently. People are polite, thoughtful, articulate, and interesting even while disagreeing with him and others. He is the only blogger I've seen so far who has been able to carry on an intelligent and biblical discussion of homosexuality for several weeks through six different posts without ever letting the discussion go "bad" and without killing it through over-moderation (is that a word?). I feel like I can learn something about blogging graciously and intelligently from watching him.

I first "met" Scot McKnight in seminary where I read his book "New Testament Interpretation" (or was the title "New Testament Exegesis") in a Greek class. Buggy Boy was turning sumersaults in my tummy at that time. Now I'm far from any classroom, but through blogging, I can still interact with great minds. I love it!

Anise Biscotti

2006-02-09T16:09:00.000+09:00

3 eggs
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 cup white sugar
Lots and lots of anise seed or cracked black pepper

3 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees F (190 degrees C). Grease cookie sheets or line with parchment paper.
In a medium bowl, beat together the oil, eggs, sugar and anise flavoring until well blended. Combine the flour and baking powder, stir into the egg mixture to form a heavy dough. Divide dough into two pieces. Form each piece into a roll as long as your cookie sheet. Place roll onto the prepared cookie sheet, and press down to 1/2 inch thickness.
Bake for 25 to 30 minutes in the preheated oven, until golden brown. Remove from the baking sheet to cool on a wire rack. When the cookies are cool enough to handle, slice each one crosswise into 1/2 inch slices. Place the slices cut side up back onto the baking sheet. Bake for an additional 6 to 10 minutes on each side. Slices should be lightly toasted.

Culture Warrior Gone AWOL

2006-02-09T13:35:00.000+09:00

Strangely, blogging seems to be a good thing for me. Whenever I post about something that is bothering me or puzzling me--be it mental, physical, or spiritual--it seems that the issue in question gradually improves after I've shared it on my blog. This may be partly due to the cathartic effect of writing itself, or the psychological release of public confession, or the prayers of the people who read my blog, or the synergy of interacting in the comment section and inbox, or the wise suggestions I recieve from readers. Whatever it is, I'm going to keep on blogging.

So, after promising myself this morning not to write anything profound, here' s a snippet of a serious thought from me. All my agonizing about being a conservative or being a liberal or whatever label you choose has mostly subsided in the past few weeks. Why? I reaffirmed what I've believed for a long time: The rubric through which I view life is missiological not political. Though I'm not now an "official" missionary, as I had once thought I would be, my heart is the heart of a missionary. I want to see people come to Christ. Anything else is, as someone wrote a long time ago, rubbish! "I count all thing as loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord--and the surpassing joy of seeing others come to know him."

That means my goal is to share the gospel and build up the church--not reform society, save Western culture from decay, campaign against homosexual marriages, campaign against abortion, campaign to put prayer back in school, or whatever the next issue is. My goal isn't even to devote my time and energy to trade reform, environmental activism, stopping sexual trafficking, or ending unjust wars. Don't anyone misunderstand. I'm not saying that I'll never do any of the above activies. A few of them are very dear to my heart. But they are not my goal or my hope or my salvation.

Spelling this out helps to relieve the pressure I put on myself to clearly define myself and my views. Maybe it is my personality or maybe it is my status as a seminary student that causes me to feel the need to label myself clearly. Among people I have known, it's not uncommmon for me to be asked my opinion on each of the 5-points of Calvinism or my view of Scripture or my view of American politics. Nothing wrong with that. Serious conversation is more palatable to me than small talk. But I begin to feel queasy when I can not answer such questions with the same certainty I once had. Even worse is when a person falsely assumes that I hold a certain view and proceeds to speak and act on that assumption. That I have to choose whether to play the coward and feign agreement or risk speaking up and causing a misunderstanding.

As for the title of this post "Culture Warrior Gone AWOL," well, I sure hope that will be the story of my life. To be a culture warrior is not my desire. Even so, I've been so steeped in the philosophy of political and social activism combined with religious indignation that it is hard to uproot it from my mind. But I'm going to try. I want to be Christ-center and missions-driven. I want to invest in prayer, not politics. I want all people to see the glory of Christ, especially liberals, gays, Muslims and anyone else whom the conservative establishment sees as a threat to "our" culture.

Ours? What is ours? "This world is not our home," so goes the song, "I'm just a passing through." So what is ours, really? Certainly, Christ is ours. And what else? "All things are yours, whether Paul or Apollos or Cephas or the world or life or death or the present or the future--all are yours, and you are of Christ and Christ is of God." (1 Corinthians 3:21-23) Though Paul wrote that in the context of chastizing the Corinthian church for their division into competing factions based on misplaced loyalty to different Christian teachers, I think it can apply to the current spate of seeking salvation in accurate labeling. Being conservative, being liberal, being American, being democratic, being part of the grand sweep of Western civilization--all of that is petty and silly stuff and not worth grasping. Because we have Christ. And in Christ we have all things.

"So no more boasting about men. . ."

My Brain Is On Sabbatical

2006-02-09T11:58:00.000+09:00

An announcement: Those of you who are waiting for me to produce a well-written paragraph of thoughtful prose are going to be waiting a long time.

Thinking has moved way down in my list of priorities--somewhere below cleaning the toilet every morning. I've promised myself that I'll move through one Korean lesson each week until I finish the whole darn Yonsei University series. I'm on lesson 33 of 60 lessons, which leaves me still a good six months of regular, unflagging, grueling work ahead. It's taken me more than a year and a half to get to this point, so getting to the end in six or even twelve months is quite optimistic. If I mangage to finish AND absorb (absorption is the key) all that material, I just might be able to pass the KSLT (Korean as Second Language) test and be eligible to study at a Korean univeristy in Korean. Yonsei Univeristy has a decent Th.M. program that seems comparable to the Th.M. I never finished at Dallas Seminary. (Though Yonsei seems much more liberal--whatever that means.) So, virtually all the energy that I have after taking care of my husband and son is going to go into studying Korean. I don't have time to think about politics or theology or anything else.

Henceforth and without further ado, this blog is going to be devoted to fun, frivolous, and trivial things that happen to catch my fancy in between looking up millions of words in the Yahoo!Korea Dictionary.

I Should Be Studying, But. . .

2006-02-06T10:05:00.000+09:00

(HT: Randi)

This is a pretty low score, but in reality, I'm a rather decent Scrabble player. My Grandmother ususally beats me, though. It is one of the very few games that I enjoy. Is there a Korean version of Scrabble?

Rambling in the Cold

2006-02-03T13:22:00.000+09:00

It was so cold this morning when DH and I walked Buggy Boy to his daycare. According to Yahoo Weather, it was about 7 degrees F with a 17 mph wind blowing. It's sunny now, but at the time we left this morning, it was not. And why didn't I wear a coat this morning? Why? Why did I just wear a sweatshirt? And no gloves, no scarf? Do I want to die? Maybe I should check the weather more closely before I go out next time.

Now, I'm getting ready to go out again, and I'm thinking about walking there (with a coat) and taking a cab back. It's only perhaps a half-mile distance, but with a wind chill under 0 degrees F, it's brutal! How people in North Korea stay warm, I don't know. Or maybe I do know. I think they still burn pieces of charcoal called "yeon-tan." My husband said that when he was a child that was the only heating available. His family was well-off, too. He said he remembers his parents buying 2,000 "yeon-tan" each winter. Seems like a lot to me, since they lived in an area that rarely goes below the freezing point.

No wonder Korean food is usually served extremely hot--we're talking temperature here. I've burnt my tongue countless times trying to eat the soups that are cooked in stone or clay bowls. It keeps boiling and boiling even after it is taken off the fire. The bowls are a good way to warm freezing hands, though.

DH said his train was delayed yesterday when the subway police, or whatever they're called, evicted a homeless man from the train when he was trying to cook ramen in the car. I feel sorry for the guy. I wouldn't get off the train either in this kind of cold. But how would he cook ramen on the train? Maybe he had cup ramen. I wonder what he did after he got kicked off the train. I know there are homeless shelters in Seoul, but I don't know how many or how full they might be during this time.

On another tanget, I don't know how our apartment stays so warm. We never turn on the heat at all, even when the temperature is in the single digits, but our apartment always stays warm. Strange. Our energy bill is extremely low in the winter, like $7 per month. In the summer, the remarkable heating properties of our room become a curse. I won't even mention how much money we spent on air-conditioning.

Now I gotto go put on my coat, hat, gloves, and scarf. . .

Review of "Oseam"

2006-01-26T12:32:00.001+09:00

The title "Oseam" 오세암 means "five year-old Buddhist hermitage," but I had no idea of that when I bought the movie. This animation is beautifully done, and I loved the scenes of traditional Korean architecture and the Korean landscape. But I don't want to watch it again. In fact, I didn't watch it to the end because I was too tired. My husband finished it alone, and after he told me the ending, I don't want to finish it at all. Call me sentimental, but I don't like the fact that the main character, who is a mischievous five year-old boy, contracts leprosy and freezes to death in the end after being left alone in a Buddhist hermitage to attain "enlightenment.” After his death, the monks renamed the building in which he died "Oseam," thus the title of the movie. It seems negligent to leave a little child like that alone in the middle of winter. Technically, the animation and story are very well done. I just wish I knew that it would be a sad story before I bought it.

Related Tags: Korea, movie, review

Looking into My Conservative Past

2006-01-26T12:17:00.000+09:00

No doubt one of the strangest things I did in sixth or seventh grade was to go out and buy both of Rush Limbaugh’s books with the money I earned from babysitting. For whatever reason, I liked them so much that I became a regular listener of both his radio program and his now-defunct TV show. Rush Limbaugh was my hero. I was a convert to his brand of ~~obnoxiouness~~ conservatism.

I thereafter joined The Conservative Bookclub and read a variety of conservative authors. Among those I can remember are the following:

The Vision of the Annointed: Self-Congratulation as a Basis for Social Policy by Thomas Sowell.

Renewing American Compassion by Marvin Olasky

Whirled Views: Tracking Today’s Culture Storms, by Marvin Olasky

Fighting for Liberty and Virture: Political and Cultural Wars in Eighteenth-Century America by Marvin Olasky.

Inventing the AIDS Virus by Peter H. Duesberg.

The Road to Hell: The Ravaging Effects of Foreign AID and International Charity by Michael Marin.

The End of Racism by Dinesh D’Souza (I think I read this—would have to look at the book to be sure.)

A Matter of Interpretation: Federal Courts and the Law by Justice Antonin Scalia.

No doubt, I was a serious kid. I took politics to heart and cried for a long time when Bill Clinton was reelected. I kept following American politics closely until 1997. That year, I had somewhat of an intellectual and emotional crisis. I quit following politics, quit reading conservative books, and began questioning much of what I had believed. In fact, I’ll still questioning and thinking a lot. I hope to be able to explore some of these issues in further posts.